"Mass Medea"
An Original Screenplay--Part 5
An Original Screenplay--Part 5
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
The Cool Gadgets conference room, immediately after the previous scene. Helen, Jean, Neal, Carl, and Janice are seated around the table. They are all quiet and subdued. Conspicuously so. George enters and sits down. Ivan and Flo follow him in.
IVANThank you all for taking the time out to meet like this. Now, I know things have not been the greatest here lately, but Flo and I are here today to try to fix all that.
He pauses.
That gets everyone’s attention, save George. Especially Carl, who is visibly unnerved.IVANNow, you all probably don’t know Florence Estrine, who is the publisher of Modern Technology magazine. I’ve asked her to come out today and act as interim publisher of Cool Gadgets.
George LAUGHS.CARLUm, what exactly do we need an interim publisher for? Has there been some sort of bloodless coup we were unaware of?IVANNo...
(tries to laugh it off)GEORGEThere was blood.CARLWhat?!IVANIt was felt in Chicago that Brian was not an effective leader, that he was brilliant at running a publication when he was the sole decision-maker, but he just wasn’t working out the way we needed him to. So I have asked him to step aside and, for the time being, Flo here will be taking over as publisher of Cool Gadgets. Now, Flo and I have drawn up a short-term plan for getting our ad pages back to where they should be. Flo?FLOThanks, Ivan. Let me just begin by saying that I’ve been a fan of this publication since you guys started. I’ve tried to run Modern Technology in the image of Cool Gadgets, but you guys just had that certain je ne sais quoi. So I’m thrilled to be working with you all. I don’t want to change too many things—there’s no need to reinvent the wheel—but there are a few policies we’ve implemented at Modern Technology that I think would be worth implementing here. One of the things that both our editors and our sales force have appreciated is a greater sharing of intelligence.CARLYo, quit bogarting that brain cell, dude.
(sotto voce)
FLOFor example, our editors and writers file weekly reports to the sales department mentioning—really informally—who they met with that week, what companies they spoke with, what products they evaluated, the gist of the discussion, and so forth. This helps the sales force so that when they go into meetings with various accounts—old or new—they can speak like someone in the know. “Hey, I hear you have a new thing coming out. Tell me about it.” You get the idea. It gives our sales force a foot in the door, so to speak. And what’s good for our sales force is good for all of us.
Carl raises his hand.
George finds this hysterical.IVANYes, Carl, what is it?CARLIs it just who we meet with professionally?FLOI’m sorry?CARLThese reports. Is it just people we meet with professionally, or should I include people I have sex with, as well?
Ivan stares daggers at Carl.NEALCarl...
That gets Helen and Jean’s attention.FLOThe other thing I’d like to bring up at this time is that we think it would be more effective if we centralized production in Chicago. We have the resources, and it makes little sense to reduplicate a lot of the work we already do here.
(ignores Carl)
Ivan and Flo look at each other nervously.HELENIvan, does that mean I’m...IVANHelen, Jean, we’ll discuss this later.CARLNo, we’ll discuss this now. Does this mean that Helen and/or Jean will be laid off?IVANThis is not a discussion that we should be having in public. Helen, Jean, Flo, and I will discuss this later.CARLBecause if either of them go, I go.IVANIs that a promise?CARLWhy not try me.GEORGEYeah, and me, too.NEALWhat?HELENGuys, don’t be ridiculous.GEORGEI’m serious. If Helen or Jean goes, I go. We’re a team here. It’s bad enough you canned Brian’s ass, but this is where I draw the line.IVANOK, duly noted.JANICEYou’d really quit if Helen got fired?
(sotto voce to George)GEORGEIn a heartbeat.JANICEYeah, same here.NEALJanice!CARLWell, Ivan, you’ve got a nice little insurrection going on. Brilliantly played.
Carl LAUGHS.IVANLook, I appreciate the fact that you all stand up for each other. I think that’s terrific. But, you know, no one has said that Helen or Jean was being fired.
Ivan and Flo hastily leave.FLOAnyway, that’s all I wanted to say at this time.IVANFlo and I have some sales calls to make, so we’ll adjourn this meeting for now. Thanks, guys.
There is a moment of silence while everything thinks.CARLHa-hah! We’ve got the bastards on the run.NEALWere you guys really prepared to quit?CARLI sure as hell was.NEALWell, that I can understand, you’re a name brand in this industry. But George? Granted, the job market is pretty good, but still... And Janice, are you guys thinking clearly?GEORGEI’m thinking completely clearly.HELENGuys, I still say that you don’t need to quit over me.JEANYeah. That’s incredibly sweet, but it makes no sense.GEORGEIt makes perfect sense. What is the point of all this? Is it to just roll over and take what they give you just to get a fucking paycheck? Or does there come a point where you say, “OK, this is just wrong, and I refuse to accept it”?CARLAny single one of us is probably expendable, but if the whole staff quit at once? That freaked them out. And that’s our strength. We have to stick together. Flo’s got the ball now, but our defensive play caught her off guard, and she’s lost a few yards.GEORGEIt’s always supremely entertaining when you try to use sports analogies.CARLThey work for me.NEALNo, they don’t.CARLWhatever the analogy, the point is, we’ve thrown a monkey-wrench into her plans. And if she can’t boost the sales in one or two issues, she’s screwed.HELENSo what do we do?JANICEWhat can we do?GEORGESabotage. Throw our wooden shoes into the machinery. Screw up the magazine-—give everything a bad review, spell everyone’s name wrong….NEALUh, guys, regardless of what’s going on here in the office, we need to be professional.GEORGEYeah, you’re right.
Neal rises.CARLShit, I’m not sure there’s anything we can do.NEALI think we’re just blowing things out of proportion. Let’s just stay focused on what we do and see what happens.JANICEI have a question.NEALShoot.JANICEHow does all this help produce a successful magazine?NEALHuh?JANICEI admit, this is the first job I’ve ever had in publishing and I’ve been here less than a year—but how does all this bullshit, all this political crap, end up producing a quality publication? I don’t get it.CARLAh, sweet flower of innocence.NEALWell, it doesn’t of course.JANICEIt just seems to get in the way of producing a successful publication.GEORGEThat’s because it’s not much mass media as mass Medea.HELEN“Mass Medea”?GEORGEFrom Greek myth. Medea was the wife of the heroic yet unfaithful Jason and, in a fit of jealousy, she killed her own children.CARLI thought she cooked and ate her children.JANICEEwww...GEORGENo, that was lots of other characters from Greek mythology, but although Medea didn’t quite go that far, I like that analogy even better, because that’s pretty much like like Juno—-NEAL--or any other publishing company…GEORGEBasically, out of jealousy and ambition, they all just end up cooking and eating their own children.CARLWell, that doesn’t mean we have to rub ourselves with garlic and climb into the oven.
Neal exits, followed by Carl and Helen. George and Janice stay behind.NEALI have an interview to do. Remember, we still have a magazine to put out.GEORGEPlotting and scheming against our evil overlords is a lot more fun.NEALGuys...CARLBack to the world of dreams...
GEORGEIt’s been a long month.JANICEI know.GEORGEI said some things...I really...JANICESo did I. George, we’ve all been a little out of it lately. I’ve missed you, and I want to get back together.GEORGEMy feelings exactly. And, hey, I’ll try be less dominating.JANICEAnd sarcastic.GEORGEAnd sarcastic. And you need to let me know that I’m pissing you off when I’m pissing you off. Don’t bottle it all up and unleash your fury in one fell swoop long after the fact. That’s not fair. Medea.JANICEYou’re right. I’m sorry.
(laughs)GEORGECome on, let’s go put out our magazine.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. MODERN ELECTRONICS OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
ESTABLISHING SHOT
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. FLO’S OFFICE - DAY
Flo is sitting at her desk staring at a Word document open on her computer screen. She is talking to Ivan on a speakerphone.
INT. BRIAN’S OFFICE – DAYIVANWow.
(on speakerphone)FLOWow is right.
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION
Ivan walks out and pokes his head into Neal’s office.IVANThis could kill us.FLOWhat is wrong with these people? I thought they were supposed to be professionals.IVANI think they’ve just been in their own world so long they disappeared up their own asses.FLOWhat?
(gives the phone a strange look)IVANIt seemed like a colorful thing to say. God, Flo, I hate it when you’re 3,000 miles away.
(smiling)FLOUntil we can get everyone in the same time zone we’re going to have to split our coasts.IVANYou know, I’ve never had speakerphone sex.FLOWhat makes you think that situation will change in the near future? Anyway, get Neal in there.IVANOoh, a threesome…FLOIvan!IVANRight.
Neal walks into Brian’s (now Ivan’s) office.IVANNeal, could Flo and I see you a moment?NEALSure.
Neal sits.FLOPlease, have a seat.
(on speakerphone)
Ivan presses the hold button, then dials.FLONeal, I’ve just read Carl’s editorial.IVANThe one called “Mass Inanity.”NEALRight, about the dot-com explosion.FLOHe doesn’t take a very charitable view of the whole “new economy.”NEALNo, he doesn’t.FLOIn fact, the line “another ludicrous dot-com IPO will no doubt hasten the next great economic collapse.” He then goes on to insult specific Internet companies that don’t meet whatever his exacting standards seem to be.NEALI wouldn’t say “insult…”.FLOGet Carl up there.IVANFlo, I’m going to put you on hold a second. Don’t go anywhere.
Ivan disconnects and gets Flo back.CARLCarl Hogarth.
(on speakerphone)IVANCarl, please come up to my office.CARLWhere?
(on speakerphone)IVANMy office.
(enunciating)CARLWhere’s that?
(on speakerphone)NEALBrian’s old office.CARLI’ll be right there.
(on speakerphone)
Carl enters.IVANWhat an asshole.
(shakes his head)FLOThe point, Neal, is that this editorial is really going to infuriate a lot of people we really don’t want to infuriate.
Ivan and Flo look at their respective speakerphones thoughtfully for a moment.CARLYou rang?FLOYeah, Carl, it’s about your dot-com editorial.
(on speakerphone)IVANWhat’s wrong with you?CARLI take it you had issues with it.IVANYou could say that.FLOYou realize that the vast majority of the ads in the magazines in the Consumer Electronics Group are from dot-com companies.CARLI’m sorry to hear that.IVANAnd what makes you say that?CARLWell, I admit, getting dot-com advertisers these days is like shooting fish in a barrel, but the problem with shooting fish in a barrel is that if you keep it up, at some point you’re left with just barrel. And when the dot-coms all go belly up, you’re going to be publishing pamphlets.IVANAnd what business school did you graduate from?CARLLook, you don’t need to have a Harvard MBA to see that the vast majority of what’s out there in dot-com-land makes no sense from a business or a technological standpoint. Much of it defies even basic logic. This is a fucking bubble economy, and when the bubble bursts, it’s not going to be pretty.IVANAnd the fact that economists, Wall Street analysts, everyone in the whole goddamn country seems to disagree with you doesn’t bother you at all?CARLNot everyone disagrees with me, but you tend not to hear them on CNBC because no one wants to hear bad news. Everyone is completely overforecasting and overinvesting, and it’s going to end badly.IVANWhat are you, Nostradamus?CARLNo, I’m far less vague than Nostradamus.FLOYou see yourself as Cassandra, then.CARLIn the sense that no one is listening to me, perhaps.NEALThe point is not how accurately Carl can predict the future. It’s an editorial, it expresses an opinion, and Carl’s is one that I respect, regardless of whether I happen to agree with it 100 percent.IVANAnd my point is that it’s not good business to piss off the people that pay our bills.CARLThat can’t be my concern.IVANAnd why not?CARLBecause we’re journalists. We’re supposed to be objective. If we’re suddenly censoring ourselves because of who advertises, then we may as well just give up.IVANWhat is it with you fucking Bay Area hippies--NEALAll right! I’m ending this now. Here’s my compromise. We’ll run Carl’s editorial, but we’ll do it in the context of a “point-counterpoint.” I will write a rebuttal to Carl’s editorial. I think I can find enough of Carl’s opinions to disagree with.
Carl exits.FLOThat would work.IVANI’m sure you’ll do a great job.(to CARL)Sorry, pal.CARLI have no objection to the idea.IVANReally?CARLNo, I think debate is good. I’ll look forward to your rebuttal, Neal. And I have to admit, Ivan, you’re the first person that’s ever called me a hippie.
Neal returns to his office. Ivan and Flo simultaneously shake their heads in disbelief.IVANThat’ll be all.
FLOWhat are we going to do?IVANIf every single thing we do is going to be a struggle, we have no choice in the matter. This just isn’t worth it.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. LOU’S PLACE – NIGHT
ESTABLISHING SHOT
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. LOU’S PLACE - NIGHT
Lou’s Place, the night after the previous scene. Brian, Neal, George, Janice, Carl, Jean, and Helen are seated around a large table. They’ve been there a while, and have had a few rounds.
Neal slams down a martini. There are three empty martini glasses in front of him.BRIANGuys, thanks for this “last night out.” I appreciate it.GEORGEYou’ve been so good to all of us that it’s the least we could do.HELENSo, Brian, what do you plan to do with your “time off”?BRIANI’ve been getting involved in physics again, which I got diverted from all those years ago. I’ve thought of writing and/or publishing something more traditionally physics-related.JEANYou’re being quiet.
(to Neal)NEALAm I required to yammer endlessly?JEANNo, but this is a party. You’re supposed to be having fun.
The Waiter places another martini in front of him. He slams it.NEALI’m having a shitload of fun.BRIANLet me see if I understand the dynamic here. Carl has never been in better spirits, because this whole Juno situation has given him something to rail against, so he’s been in the best mood lately that I’ve ever seen him in.CARLNow, wait...BRIANBecause let’s face it, my friend, you’re never happier than when you’re miserable.JANICEWow, think about that one...GEORGENo.BRIANAnd Neal is feeling like the rug was pulled out from underneath him because he was counting on this Juno situation working out—-oh, I don’t know—-to someone’s advantage.NEALI wouldn’t say the rug was pulled out from underneath me.
The Waiter nods and exits.WAITERAnother one?NEALKeep ‘em coming.
The Waiter delivers another round.NEALNo, the rug was not pulled out from under me. I was wrapped in the rug like a giant burrito and thrown off the Bay Bridge.BRIANDrinking yourself into a coma is not the answer.GEORGEWell, it would depend on the question.JANICEWhat would the question be?GEORGE“Do you want to drink yourself into a coma?”NEALCute.
They all rise.BRIANNot to make this a maudlin event, but I just want to say at this point that I’ve really enjoyed working with all of you. To see how you’ve grown and prospered in your jobs really is amazing. George, Janice, I remember when each of you started, neither of you had the slightest idea about technology, but you learned really fast.JANICEWell, you thought Syracuse was the capital of New York.BRIANI still maintain that there is no such place as Albany.HELENDamn!BRIANYes, Helen?HELENI just remembered, I don’t know how I forgot. I baked you a “going away” cake. I left it in the refrigerator at the office.JANICEI say let’s go get it.GEORGEI agree.CARLLet ‘em eat cake!
They all exit.NEALI’ll get the check.CARLCan you even see it?NEALWell, it’s not here yet, so, no.CARLYou’ve run rings around me logically.NEALThat’s apparently my job now.CARLWell, you know, when you dance with the devil, you...get blisters on you feet.NEALIs that how that goes?
(laughs)CARLI seriously doubt it.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. COOL GADGETS OFFCE BUILDING – NIGHT
ESTABLISHING SHOT
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. LOBBY – NIGHT
The Cool Gadgets lobby. The glass doors are closed and locked. The elevator door opens and Brian, Neal, George, Carl, Janice, Helen, and Jean get off and head to the doors. Neal takes a keyring out of his pocket and inserts a key into the lock. It doesn’t turn.
Brian tries the key.NEALIt won’t open.JEANHow many martinis have you had?NEALNot enough to impair my ability to insert a key in a lock.CARLYep, a classic case of “whiskey key” by the looks of it.NEALCan I kill him now?
Through the glass doors, they can see WILL, 21, enter the lobby, attracted by the commotion.BRIANNeal’s right. The key won’t work.GEORGEWe’re locked out of our own office?
Will unlocks the door and is pushed backward as the mob enters the lobby forcefully.NEALHey! Who the fuck are you and why have the locks been changed?CARLLet us in now!
They push Will aside and head toward the newsroom. Will follows them.WILLI don’t know the answer to the second question, but I’m Will Lundin. I’m from the IT department.NEALWhat are you doing here after midnight on a Friday night?WILLI might ask you guys the same question.GEORGEWe understand there is cake somewhere in this building.WILLCake?
INT. NEWSROOM – CONTINUOUS
They all enter the newsroom. Neal walks into his office and looks at his computer.
Both George and Janice check their respective computers.CARLWhy was the lock on the front door changed?
(to Will)WILLI don’t know. I was just ordered to come out here and back up the server. I’m just the IT guy.NEALGuys?
(facing his computer screen)GEORGENeal?NEALCheck your e-mail.
Carl and Brian enter Neal’s office. With everyone else distracted, Will takes a cellphone out of his pocket and exits briskly.CARLLet me guess: some sort of bad news missive from el jefe.NEALBig time.
They all walk back into the center of the production area. Helen returns with a large cake and places it on Janice’s table. She sees all the downcast looks,GEORGEYep, I got it.JANICEI did, too.BRIAN“It was announced today that Juno Mass Media was acquired by Sherman Business Information, a New York City-based media conglomerate with holdings...blah blah blah.”
(reading computer screen)JANICEWe’ve been sold again?!NEAL“Chief Executive Officer Frederick Schultz announces that with the sale he is resigning from Juno Mass Media, and will receive a severance package of—-(whistles)CARLWell, good for him. It’s nice to see the weasels win for a change.
(sarcastically)GEORGEHoly crap!JANICEYou just scrolled down, right.GEORGEYeah.NEALHuh?GEORGEScroll down toward the bottom.(reads computer screen)“Juno’s high-profile acquisition of the successful San Francisco high-tech publication Cool Gadgets, while not the resounding success that Juno’s board of directors had hoped it would be, is expected to be redeemed with the upcoming merger of that publication with the flagship magazine in the Consumer Electronic Group, Modern Electronics.”NEALI have such a bad feeling about this.
(whistles again)
Ivan enters, followed by Will.HELENUh oh. Why do I expect that cake just won’t cut it?CARLWe are so screwed.
Ivan exits.IVANWell, you have no one to blame but yourselves.CARLWhat?!IVANI don’t know what you’re all doing here at this hour, but you’re trespassing.CARLTrespassing!?IVANI had planned to call a meeting on Monday, but since you’re all here I can tell you that I really wanted to keep all of you on staff following the merger, but every single thing Flo and I suggest gets such resistance from all of you that it’s just not worth the effort.NEALSo who is going to write for you?IVANIt’s really none of your damn business, but anything to keep you from acting smug. We’ve made overtures to a number of technology writers in the industry who were actually quite excited by the idea of writing for Cool Gadgets.CARLDo they know it’s the old “bait and switch”?IVANYour employment is hereby terminated, effective immediately. Since you’re here now, you can take this opportunity to clean out all your desks. Goodbye—it’s been a pleasure working with you all.CARLHas it really?IVANFuck no.
Everyone stands around looking stunned.
JANICEWow.GEORGEYeah.NEALDid we screw the pooch or what?BRIAN“Screw the pooch”?NEALIt’s an expression.BRIANA freakish one.WILLLook, I want to get out of here tonight. I’m jetlagged like you wouldn’t believe.CARLFrom a flight from Chicago?
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. RECEPTION AREA - NIGHT
Fifteen minutes later, Brian, Neal, Carl, and Janice stand in front of the elevator doors. Boxes of their possessions are on the floor. GEORGE enters carrying a large box.
There is a moment of silence. Carl looks at the elevator. She frowns, then hits the Down button.GEORGEWell, at least I could always get a job as a pack mule.BRIANI’m not worried about any of you getting jobs.CARLI just want to take this opportunity to say that, despite everything, I will really miss working with you all.JANICECarl, that’s so sweet.CARLI mean it. You did good work, and you were all a pleasure to work with.NEALWould that it could have continued.GEORGE“For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.’” Whittier.JANICEIt didn’t seem that witty. Wittier than what?GEORGENo, no: John Greenleaf Whittier.JANICEI’m teasing you, Mr. Literature Nerd.
The elevator doors open and everyone enters. The doors close.CARLElevators come faster when you press the down button.GEORGEWell, you’re the expert on technology.
INT. NEWSROOM - NIGHT
Helen emerges from her office carrying a box in one hand and the cake in another. She is joined by Jean who carries a folder. Will stands off to the side watching them.
Jean takes the cake from Helen. Helen exits. Jean starts to follow her.HELENThat’s all you have?JEANI tried to keep my life separate from this place. You want me to carry something?HELENWould you please? Thanks.
Jean stops, turns around, and mashes the cake into Will’s face. She exits.WILLYou know, you’re welcome to try to apply for a job in Chicago. We are short of staff.
(trying vainly to be sympathetic)
INT. LOU’S PLACE – NIGHT
A short time later that same evening. Brian, Carl, Neal, George, Janice, Jean, and Helen are gathered around a large table. Their boxes of possessions are on the floor around them. They are drinking champagne.
He looks at Carl expectantly.CARLA waste of cake, perhaps, but I agree with the sentiment!GEORGETo letting them wear cake!
(holding his glass aloft)BRIANEat, drink, and be merry…
They all laugh.CARLNo, I’m not gonna say it. We may be out of work, the economy may be headed for a complete meltdown, but I still say that tomorrow looks better than today.BRIANAnd better than yesterday.CARLWell, I wouldn’t go that far.
FADE OUT
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