Veteran of the Psychic War

A brand-new original feature-length (in theory...we'll see!) screenplay-in-progress.

Veteran of the Psychic War

An Original Screenplay--Part 1

FADE IN:

EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
ESTABLISHING SHOT

The Swinfield, Massachusetts, high school. It is a somewhat suburban New England high school.

INT. MR. SPARK’S CLASSROOM – DAY

LEONARD SPARK, 36, is the high school’s physics teacher. His classroom is festooned with typical high school physics apparatus. The class comprises about 15 STUDENTS, who are high school sophomores (i.e., 15 years old). Almost all of them look intensely bored and distracted as Leonard lectures—all except for COLIN, who is bored, but only because, as the class genius, he knows everything already.

LEONARD

...Newton's Third Law of motion states that whenever two objects interact, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the force on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. The direction of the force on the first object is opposite to the direction of the force on the second object. Remember that forces always come in pairs: equal and opposite action-reaction force pairs.

Leonard looks around the room and sees some glimmer of acknowledgment, or at last from students who are not Colin. holds two small Matchbox or Hot Wheels cars—one an SUV, one a small compact car. He uses them to demonstrate his lecture.

LEONARD

Newton's Third Law is usually used to describe collisions.

The class perks up a bit.

LEONARD

I thought that might get your attention. In a collision between two objects, both objects experience forces which are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction. These forces will cause one object to speed up—or gain momentum—and the other object to slow down—or lose momentum. According to Newton's third law, the forces on the two objects are equal in magnitude. This is usually expressed by the equation “F1,” or “Force 1,” equals “minus F2,” or “Force 2.”

Leonard writes on the blackboard “F1=-F2.”

LEONARD

However, while the forces are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction, the acceleration of the objects are not necessarily equal in magnitude. Who remembers Monday's class—what law describes acceleration?

Colin's hand shoots up, if no one else's does. Finally, one tentative hand goes up, that of KARL.

LEONARD

Karl?

KARL

Newton's Second Law?

LEONARD

That's right. Newton's Second Law, which says what, Karl...

KARL
(looking through notebook, a little flustered)

Acceleration equals...um...F over m...force divided by mass.

LEONARD

Yes, excellent, acceleration equals force divided by mass.

Leonard writes on the board “a=F/m.”

LEONARD

What this combination of the Second and Third Laws means is that, if the colliding objects have unequal masses, they will have unequal accelerations as a result of the contact force caused by the collision.

He places the Matchbox car on the front of his desk or a table at the front of the room.

LEONARD

Let's assume this 3,000-pound, or 1,400-kilogram, car is stopped at a traffic light.

He sets the Matchbox SUV on the desk/table a short distance behind the car and rolls it forward.

LEONARD

Then assume this 4,000-plus-pound, or 2,000-kilogram, SUV comes rocketing up behind it. The force experienced by the SUV is equal to the force experienced by the car. Both the SUV and the car experience equal forces—as per the Third Law—but the car experiences a greater acceleration—that is, it will be pushed forward—because of its smaller mass. The SUV will also have a force acting on it, and will be pushed backward, but it will be a lesser acceleration because of its larger mass. By the way, we'll ignore, for the sake of a clean example, the effect of brakes, passengers, and other factors that will affect force and acceleration. In a collision, there is a force on both objects which causes an acceleration of both objects. The forces are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction, yet the least massive object receives the greatest acceleration.

He pushes the SUV toward the car and lets go. It hits the car, the car is forced forward, and the SUV bounces back a short distance. He pauses for a moment. he then goes behind his desk and takes out two six-inch ice-skater action figures, one male, one female. Leonard uses the figures to act out the example.

LEONARD

Now, consider two ice skaters, a man and a woman. The woman—whose mass is, let's be charitable, 45 kilograms—is kneeling on the shoulders of a man whose mass is, say, 70 kilograms. No, this is not “the man who mistook his wife for a hat.”

Not surprisingly, that very dated joke goes way over the heads of the class, who are probably not familiar with bestselling books by Oliver Sacks. He soldiers on.

LEONARD

They are skating along the ice at 1.5 meters per second. The man gracefully—or as gracefully as he can—heaves the woman forward through the air and onto the ice. Assume it's part of their routine and not the result of some kind of fight.

There is a modest TITTER from the class.

LEONARD

Anyway, the woman receives the forward force and the man receives a backward force. The force on the man is equal in magnitude and opposite in direction to the force on the woman. Yet, as with the car that was hit by the SUV, the acceleration of the woman is greater than the acceleration of the man due to the smaller mass of the woman.

He lets that sink in for a moment. He then looks up at the clock. It is about 11:57.

LEONARD

Now—let's see who can answer this. A car is driving down the road at 55 miles per hour. A fly hits the windshield and splatters. Which of the forces is greater: the force on the fly or the force on the car?

He looks out to the class. Colin is smiling but his hand is down. Leonard looks to Karl.

LEONARD

Karl?

KARL
(after a long pause and some squirming)

On the...yeah....on the fly, 'cause it splattered.

LEONARD

Everyone agree?

Everyone looks around. Finally Colin raises his hand.

LEONARD

Colin?

COLIN

That was a trick question. The forces are equal. Newton's Third Law—for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

LEONARD

Yes, that's exactly right. The force acting on the fly and the force acting on the car are exactly the same.

One of the other students, LANEY, is confused.

LANEY

But why did the bug get squished if the forces were the same?

LEONARD

That was going to be my next question. Who can answer it? Karl?

At that point, the class BELL rings, and the class quickly start to pack their books up.

LEONARD

Think about why the fly splattered and we'll talk about it tomorrow. The answer is in Newton's Laws of Motion. Oh, and your homework is to do problems one through ten on page 187.

KARL
(on his way toward the door)

Is there gonna be a quiz on this tomorrow?

LEONARD
(to class)

No. Guys, before you leave, there will be no pop quiz tomorrow; I'm feeling charitable. But there will be a test on Newton's laws of motion on the 13th.

The students continue to file out, MURMURING as they do so. Colin stays behind and walks up to Leonard, who is tidying his class notes.

COLIN

What a bunch of dipshits, huh, Mr. Spark.

Like most of the characters, Colin has a New England accent and pronounces it “Mr. Sphahk.” Leonard shrugs.

LEONARD

I wouldn't say that. If everyone knew all this stuff already, I wouldn’t have a job. Some people just need a bit more handholding and help than others.

COLIN

Nah, take it from me, they’re all just really dumb.

LEONARD

Don’t let them hear you say that. Look, Colin, I know you’re very smart, but I think you should practice humility, otherwise the next two years of high school are going to be exceedingly long.

COLIN

They’re going to be anyway.

LEONARD

They don't have to be. And I can say from experience that things can easily get much much worse for you if you aren’t careful. Anyway, don’t you have gym?

COLIN

Yeah.

LEONARD

And I have lunch.

CUT TO:

INT. SCIENCE DEPT. LOUNGE – DAY

The Science Dept. lounge is a small room with a round table in the center. Bookshelves line the walls, full of books, papers, science apparatus, etc. Three other teachers—DENNIS HASTINGS, ALBERT HARPER, and VINCENT CHARLES sit around the table. All but Albert Harper is eating lunch from a bag lunch. Leonard enters. Harper is reading a magazine called Skeptics Quarterly.

HARPER

Here he is: Mr. Skeptic himself. I just read your latest article in Skeptics Quarterly—taking on the psychics now, huh? And after you got all that hate mail from astrologers after the last issue.

LEONARD

I calls 'em as I sees 'em.

HASTINGS

What's next...UFOs?

LEONARD

Haven't you thought it odd that in this day and age, when everyone has cameras in their cellphones, video cameras are everywhere, and the Internet and Wi-Fi are there to disseminate images and video—have you noticed that no one reports UFO sightings anymore?

CHARLES

I never thought about that.

LEONARD

Back in the 50s, 60, and 70s, there were all these great UFO photographs that used to turn up, and everyone was always reporting that they had seen something they couldn't identify. And they would always say, “If only I had a camera.” And yet, now that everyone does have a camera, no one sees anything. Funny, huh?

HARPER

Not really. I'm sure you can go online and find all sorts of reports of UFO sightings.

LEONARD

Yeah, but you'd think they'd be able to capture conclusive evidence that would make the news. And yet...nada.

(beat)

Anyway, is it my imagination, or are kids getting less and less interested in science every year? My Newton's Laws classes never burned down the house, but they've never been this dead. If it weren't for Colin, or even Karl Calvino, I may as well be talking to a room full of mannequins.

CHARLES

Karl's a bright kid, but he hides it because he likes being popular. He'll never speak up in class, but wait until you test him. He'll knock your socks off.

HARPER

And if Colin makes it out of the 10th grade alive, it'll knock my socks off.

LEONARD

I know. He's very smart, but he makes no effort to play nice with others and I'm scared he's going to get the crap beat out of him one of these days. I'm trying to get him to ease up, but I can't help but wonder if I'm doing more harm than good.

HASTINGS

You've got a protégé. I think that'll help him out in the long run.

CHARLES

Wouldn't Leonard be Colin's protégé? Which way does that work? Doesn't “pro” imply that it comes before...?

HASTINGS

Now I'm unsure.

HARPER

Miss Ford from the English Department will be here any moment. We can ask her.

LEONARD

What are you talking about?

HASTINGS

Oh, come on, Leonard, Elizabeth comes down here at the same time every day. You could set your watch by her.

LEONARD

That can’t be true.

CHARLES

Sure it can. She always shows up at 12:05. It's 12:03 now. Two more minutes.

HARPER

Why is it teachers always seem to date other teachers?

HASTINGS

Other teachers are the only ones who could understand why we keep doing this given what we get paid.

CHARLES

And who are you to talk? Isn’t Roger a teacher, as well?

HARPER

I’m not condemning the practice, I’m only asking a question, like any good scientist.

HASTINGS

...And trying put off cafeteria duty.

HARPER

Yes, and trying to put off cafeteria duty.

LEONARD

Oh, god, you have caf duty? My sympathies.

HARPER

I swear these kids are animals. If I’m not back by Period J, send in the National Guard.

Harper opens the door. As he does, in walks ELIZABETH FORD, 34.

ELIZABETH

Oh, excuse me, Al. Is Leonard around?

HARPER

Ready and waiting.

Harper leaves, closing the door behind him. Elizabeth approaches Leonard, holding a newspaper.

CHARLES

Right on time.

ELIZABETH

What?

HASTINGS

Elizabeth, is a “protégé” someone who looks up to someone else or is it the person who is looked up to?

ELIZABETH

What?

LEONARD

We were having a conversation about Colin, one of my students, and we couldn't determine if he or I was the protégé.

CHARLES

Is a protégé the mentor or the mentee?

ELIZABETH

The mentee. It literally means “One who is protected.”

LEONARD

I hope that doesn't become a literal definition.

Elizabeth opens the newspaper she had been carrying. Leonard grimaces slightly, knowing what’s in store.

ELIZABETH

What’s your sign?

LEONARD

Elizabeth, you know perfectly well what my sign is.

HASTINGS

It’s unlisted, isn’t it?

LEONARD

Cute.

ELIZABETH

You’re Sagittarius, if memory serves.

LEONARD

I suppose.

ELIZABETH
(reading from paper)

“You will become embroiled in a conflict you have no stake in, but which will consume you nonetheless.”

CHARLES

That’s an odd horoscope.

LEONARD

They’re all odd.

ELIZABETH
(shaking her head)

You have no imagination.

HASTINGS

He’s a physics teacher. He’s not supposed to have any imagination.

LEONARD

Oh, and are Earth science teachers given to spontaneous recitations of poetry?

HASTINGS

Well, you’ve run rings around me logically.

ELIZABETH

I hate to break up this gay banter—

LEONARD

Albert left a few minutes ago.

ELIZABETH

You know what I mean.

(beat)

Anyway, are we still on for tonight?

LEONARD

Of course. Your place at 8.

CHARLES

Leave your skepticism at the door.

CUT TO:

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOUR – NIGHT
ESTABLISHING SHOT

Elizabeth’s house is a modest ranch-style house.

INT. ELIZABETH'S DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Leonard and Elizabeth are sitting at a dining room table. A candle burns; it all seems somewhat romantic. They are eating.

ELIZABETH

...How can you say that?

LEONARD

Quite easily, actually. There is no scientific evidence to support the belief that—

ELIZABETH

Just because the usual crop of egghead scientists hasn’t figured out how to prove something doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.

LEONARD

And there I have to disagree.

ELIZABETH

Imagine my surprise.

Leonard is weary. They have been down this road many times before.

LEONARD

Look, Elizabeth, I’m a physics teacher. You’re an English teacher. You knew there would be some differences of opinion when we started going out.

ELIZABETH

I assumed that they would amount to little more than you not having ever read Keats.

LEONARD

I’ve read Keats.

ELIZABETH

You’re too cold and... unimaginative.

LEONARD

I don't think I am. I go by what can be proven empirically. I can’t imagine accepting something any other way.

ELIZABETH

OK, what about death?

LEONARD

I was hoping we could have sex instead.

ELIZABETH

No, I mean, what do you think happens after we die?

LEONARD

I know what you mean. I was making a joke.

ELIZABETH

You must believe something happens after we die.

LEONARD

I really don’t. There is no way of knowing what happens, no one has ever some back and said, “Yes, this is what happens.” It’s a mystery, and no amount of speculation will come any closer to revealing the truth of the matter.

ELIZABETH

You must have thought about it.

LEONARD

Of course I’ve thought about it. But that doesn’t mean that I'm any closer to an answer than anyone else.

ELIZABETH

So what do you think happens when we die?

LEONARD
(beat)

Have you listened to a single word I have said?

ELIZABETH

Not as such, no.

He goes silent.

ELIZABETH

If I were you, I’d be terribly afraid to die.

LEONARD

Well, I don't think I'm alone in that.

ELIZABETH

How can you live so hopelessly?

LEONARD

Who says I'm living hopelessly? I have a great deal of hope. I think it makes me appreciate what I’ve got right here, right now all that much more. And makes me want to go out of my way to help preserve life. I can’t help but think that all those people who believe so fervently in an afterlife seem so eager to kill or be killed. Maybe if they were a bit less credulous about an afterlife it might make life here on Earth a bit more pleasant for all involved.

ELIZABETH
(mulls that over; he's got a point)

I still think you have no imagination.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth’s bedroom. She and Leonard are asleep in bed. Suddenly, Elizabeth wakes with a start and sits bolt upright. She looks over a the still sleeping Leonard, and then starts hitting him. He wakes up abruptly, is confused as hell (as you can well imagine), and as a result of her onslaught of blows, falls out of bed onto the floor.

LEONARD

What the—

ELIZABETH

You bastard!

LEONARD

What?!

ELIZABETH

You were seeing someone else behind my back!

LEONARD

What? When?

ELIZABETH

In my dream.

There is a silence as this sinks in.

LEONARD

What?

ELIZABETH
(still upset)

In my dream, we were on vacation together in Europe and there was this other woman at Stonehenge—

LEONARD

We were at Stonehenge?

ELIZABETH

Yes. And there was this other woman and you were flirting with her.

LEONARD

Elizabeth, I can’t be held responsible for things that I do in your own dreams.

ELIZABETH

I believe that dreams have a certain degree of prophecy to them.

LEONARD
(just wanting to go back to sleep)

OK, so who was this woman?

ELIZABETH

I have no idea. But she was dressed like the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Leonard GROANS, pulls a pillow onto the floor, and curls up and goes back to sleep.

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

Leonard’s classroom, the following morning. He is standing in front of the class. Give it a beat, then the BELL rings and all the students save for Colin, file out. Colin stays at his desk, reading a physics book. As the last students leave, Elizabeth enters.

ELIZABETH

Leonard? I won’t be able to see you at lunch today,. I have a departmental meeting I can’t get out of. But I have a surprise for you tonight.

LEONARD

Another dream involving Stonehenge and me flirting with the Archbishop of Canterbury?

This gets Colin’s attention.

ELIZABETH

No.

LEONARD

What then?

ELIZABETH

If I told you, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise, now would it?

LEONARD

I’m more terrified than you could possibly know.

ELIZABETH

See you at 7.

She exits. Colin looks at him.

COLIN

Can I just say that I think she is completely wrong for you?

LEONARD

Oh? Thanks for the expert advice. And how many girls have you actually dated?

His embarrassed silence betrays the fact that the answer is “none.”

LEONARD

That’s what I thought.

COLIN

OK, fine, but I don’t have to be...um...

LEONARD

Casanova.

COLIN

Right. To—

LEONARD

Romeo.

COLIN

Exactly. And—

LEONARD

Wilt Chamberlain.

COLIN

Who?

Leonard expresses surprise that this is the name Colin didn’t recognize.

COLIN

Whatever. The point is, you don’t need to be an expert to know that she’s wrong for you.

Leonard thinks, the hell of it is, he may be right.

LEONARD

Don’t you have gym or something?

To be continued...