Just Conduit

I've been eagerly awaiting the advent of broadband over power lines (BPL), and it may actually happen some day:

The United States is one step closer to jumping onto the internet through its electrical outlets.

The Federal Communications Commission has reaffirmed its intention to allow the implementation of broadband-over-power-line, or BPL, technology. It adopted a new announcement by Governor Pataki last week that $2.5 million is now available in grants for building internet infrastucture.

Industry analyst Frank Dzubeck, president of Communication Network Architects, said the next option for opposition groups is the courts.

"It's now up to the lobbying efforts and the legal beagles to take up the case," he said.

However, Dzubeck added that if the FCC were challenged further, the groups would likely agree a compromise because of the strength of the pro-BPL lobby.

But why limit it to power lines? I think every conduit into the home or office should carry Internet access--plumbing, gas lines, the central air system, you name it.

In fact, I think that if squirrels or bugs or bats get into the house they should be carrying some kind of Internet access that I can tap into. Heck, if I'm going to chase creatures around the house, it may as well be with an Ethernet cable. I hear PetSmart is now offering kittens and puppies for adoption that can function as Internet hubs, to which you can connect network cables, kind of like leashes that transmit data. If you go out, just make sure you clean the spam off the neighbor's lawn.

I also think Internet access should be administered intravenously into the human body. But why limit it to physical conduits? Everywhere we walk and drive should be a thick cloud of wireless Internet signals that we can connect to via cranial implants.