Thursday, June 14, 2012

Yet More From 1999: The Future of the Printing Industry

Another eerily prophetic item from that 1999 faux news column in Micro Publishing News:

Printing Industry Now One Company 
Arnold Ductman
In a development that many analysts feel will simplify the print buying process, all the printers in the country have been acquired and have merged into a single entity. Called ConglomoPrint, the new entity is based in Kansas at the geographic center of the United States and controls the operation of every print shop and plant in the nation. 
“We’re extremely excited about engulfing and devouring our every competitor,” says CEO Chester Q. Carnivore. “We will immediately begin eliminating those firms and people who are not cost effective. And if anyone reading this plans to open a print shop, prepare to be crushed like the weak little insects you are! Ha ha ha ha ha!” 
“We’re excited to be a part of ConglomoPrint, and we’re optimistic that this will help our division thrive,” says Arnold Ductman, former owner of It’s Printing!, a Ballston Spa, NY-based print shop whose firm was absorbed by ConglomoPrint following an armed assault by ConglomoPrint troops. 
Chester Q. Carnivore (artist's rendering)
It’s Printing! was the last holdout against the forces of ConglomoPrint. All of It’s Printing!’s staff will remain, with the exception of the vice president of marketing, who was killed during the takeover. 
“I’m the god! I’m the god!” adds Carnivore. (1998) 

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