Watching the Dark

Derek L., the Saratoga Film Forum's illustrious managing director (and the hardest working man in show business), told me about a British comedy series called Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, saying it "was right up my alley." (People are always tellng me things like this, and all I can say is I'm not sure I want to be in that alley alone at night. Or during the day, for that matter.)

Anyway, the program(me) aired a few years ago on the UK's Channel 4, and all six episodes are available online here (or on DVD, but Region 2 only--doh!).

The premise of the show is this: It's a mock retrospective hosted by (fictional) horror writer/egomaniac Garth Marenghi, who is hung up on his own purported genius. ("My books are essentially 'what ifs.' In my book 'Black Fang,' what if a rat could drive a bus? And what if it and its rat brethren took over and ate Parliament?")

He introduces the "reairing" of a (fictional) horror show he wrote, produced, and starred in in the 1980s set in a haunted hospital. He and other cast and crewmembers reminisce about the show--oblivious to the fact the show was staggeringly bad. The acting is atrocious, the dialogue is badly written, the overdubbing is horrible, and the special effects make Mystery Science Theater 3000 look like the last Star Wars movie. The thing is, though, it so accurately captures the feel of 1980s television, from the sets, to the hair, to the cheeseball music, to...everything. It is two parts Twilight Zone, three parts Buffy the Vampire Slayer, one part ER, and five parts The A Team. (Yes, I am aware that only one of those shows was actually from the 1980s.) It is absolutely hysterical. Episode Two is pure art.

Sadly, only the first three episodes on Google Video were digitized from the original Channel 4 broadcasts; the last three episodes were from a SciFi Channel broadcast--meaning the occasional bad language was bleeped and two minutes were cut out to make room for crappy commercials for shite I wouldn't want to buy anyway. Oh, and of course, the bit of the show that runs under the end credits was squished and rendered invisible so they could promote other crappy SciFi Channel shows. (Basically all the things that make American television really annoying.) I gotta find a hack for Region 2 DVDs...

"The Lord moves in mysterious ways...sometimes he comes in at an angle, or just hovers."

"I ran the only way I knew how...by putting one leg in front of the other in rapid succession."

"Often the shows were at least three minutes short, so any scene that didn't have dialogue was run in slow motion."

"Understood?" "As crystal."

It's pure brilliance.