Breakfast of Champions?

If Internet cafes started serving breakfast, I can only assume they would use the latest in utter nerdiness: the keyboard waffle-iron. Most of us have inadvertently spilled syrup, butter, or other comestibles into our keyboards at one time or another, but now we can do so without worry. What's next--mouse-shaped muffins? (Oh, dear, let's not give them any ideas...)

You have to eat the Enter key to feel full.

If you eat the Shift key, the portions will be bigger.

If you eat the Tab key, you will fly across the breakfast table.

To get away from an unwanted breakfast guest, eat the Esc key.

If you eat Ctrl-Alt-Delete simultaneously, breakfast will abruptly end.

Whatever you do, don't eat the Up Arrow key.

Eating the space bar will just give you gas.

And after breakfast, of course, you can have a vowel movement.