Thursday, July 05, 2007

Electile Dysfunction

It's safe to say that politics is the entertainment branch of government, and nothing is more purportedly entertaining than Presidential election campaigns. So I say, let's make 'em more entertaining, by giving this list of dark horse candidates a chance on the national stage. I mean, come on, does not this sound like appealing commander-in-chief, if only for the kicky robe:
Jonathon Albert "The Impaler" Sharkey — 43, Satanist/pagan who is the founder, national chair and commanding general in the 1st Vampyre, Witches, Pagans Party Regiment (2006-present); former U.S. Army soldier; former board member of Hillborough, New Jersey's County Executive Republican Committee; dark priest/ advisor to the Church of the Followers of Lucifer; founder and national chair of Vampyres, Witches, Pagans Against Impaired Driving (2005-present). As an ordained Satanic dark priest, vows to perform same-sex marriages at White House at least once a month and to only impale criminals and terrorists, not law-abiding American citizens.
Hmm...I dunno, the Hillsborough NJ Executive Republican Committee... Sounds fishy to me.

But having this guy in a debate would be fun:
Gene Amondson — 64, running for the second time for the Prohibition party, Amondson has spent the past 20 years dressing up as the Grim Reaper with a whiskey bottle in one hand and a scythe in the other to preach the ills of liquor. Also a wood carver, oil painter, pie baker, children's book author and professional impersonator of 1900s evangelical anti-booze preacher Billy Sunday.
It would be fun to watch, but I can't get on board with the whole Prohibition thing...

And it's almost hard to believe this guy is single:
Jackson Kirk Grimes — 56, a single pagan with a GED who once portrayed Hitler on "Star Trek," this director of the United Fascist Union (which promotes the economic theories and political ideologies of Benito Mussolini and Saddam Hussein) and two-time presidential candidate promises to abolish paper money and create a global government if elected.
You have to admit, these clowns are not appreciably worse than the usual bozos who run--or who have even been elected.

Airport Insecurity

Oh, this is comforting:
The Albany International Airport supports efforts to improve security, after government inspectors managed to sneak fake bomb parts through an airport checkpoint.
...
In one test, TSA inspectors hid the components of a fake bomb in carry-on luggage that also had a bottle of water. The TSA screeners at the airport confiscated the water bottle -- passengers cannot carry on more than three ounces -- but missed the bomb.
Well, at least the water bottle didn't get through! Call me cyncial, but I can't help but think that is designed so that passengers are forced to buy the extortionately priced water at the airport convenience stores (assuming bottled water isn't extortionately priced to begin with).

I would have thought that security at smaller, less crowded airports would be more thorough than zooish big airports, but maybe not. Perhaps small airports have a false sense of...security.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

List-O-Mania

TV Guide has revised its list of the top 30 cult TV shows. Let's see: Nos. 1 (absolutely), 2, 4, 5, 6, especially 7, 9, very much 13, 14, definitely 16, and you betcha 25 are some of my favorite shows...well, ever, and pretty much sum up a large chunk of my DVD library. (What, no Futurama?) As for the rest of the top 10, well, I liked Buffy (I rented all the seasons at various points) but never obsessively. And The Simpsons--well, that goes without saying, although it's been years since I have watched it. Never liked Xena.

London Calling

Buoyed by the success of the Atlanta flight, I have officially booked a flight to London for next month. Blimey! Depending on the willingness of my hosts to indulge an utter dork, I do hope to get a chance to visit Portmeirion Village in Wales, if only to make Vince N. jealous.

Chime and Punishment

I love the "Selling It: Goofs, Glitches, and Gotchas" in the print edition of Consumer Reports. I did like this one offer:
Stun gun...wind chimes...it's a fine line. Actually, having lived next door to people who have had wind chimes, I don't find that the difference is too great. Wind chimes do tend to do more lasting psychological damage, as, on windy days, they gradually drive you to madness. At least a stun gun is quick.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

A Show of Hands

Last night, I trotted up to the Saratoga Performing Arts Center (SPAC) to see one of my all-time favorite bands in the world--Rush. Scarily, it has been 25 years since I went to my first Rush concert (1982's Exit...Stage Left tour at the now-gone Boston Garden). I saw them three or four more times since--the 1983 Signals tour, probably the 1984 Grace Under Pressure tour, and in 1985 while in college, Ken A., Todd B., Steven H., and Mike K. and I trekked to Binghamton, NY, battling Mike K's increasing psychosis (don't even ask) to catch them on the Power Windows tour. That was actually the last I would really listen to Rush until "rediscovering" them in 1999. They toured again in 2002 and I had caught them at SPAC at the time.

Anyway, they put on a terrific show. They have never been ones to just "phone it in"; they put 100% into every note and it shows. The new album (Snakes and Arrows) is really good and the songs were even better live. The background visuals worked well and there were some funny video clips (Rush have rarely gotten credit for their sense of humor). Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas (actually old school friends of singer/bassist Geddy Lee) appeared in their old SCTV roles of Bob and Doug McKenzie, doing a skit to introduce "The Larger Bowl" (I couldn't tell if it was an old clip or a new one) and a South Park animation had the kids pretending to be Rush and screwing up "Tom Sawyer" (I never liked South Park, but it was pretty funny). The 2002 stage set had included--oddly--three clothes dryers that were never explained, and this time there were three large rotisseries full of chickens. Occasionally, in the middle of a song, someone would come out in an apron and chef's hat and baste them. It tied in tenuously with the introductory video clip, but was just kind of surreal.

The most striking thing about the show was the song selection. Since Rush have never had any real hits to speak of, the band's entire discography has always been fair game--in fact, Rush fans would probably love it if the band picked more obscure album tracks. "Tom Sawyer" and "The Spirit of Radio" are really the only two "must-plays" and everything else is up to what the band feels like playing. In 2002, they had played a lot of tracks from the 1989-1996 period, but this time around, they only played one song from that period, instead favoring the 1980-1981 period. The oldest song was actually my least favorite song from 1976's 2112. The Permanent Waves album was almost played in its entirety. They even did two songs from 1982's Signals--their ill-advised "synth" album whose songs seem to work better in a live setting. I'm certainly not complaining ("Natural Science" is probably my favorite Rush song, even if they did excise a verse, but then it is a 10-minute song), although one misses old concert staples like "The Trees" or "Red Barchetta."

They did two one-hour sets and a 15-minute encore. They had quite a lot of energy for three fifty-somethings--more than I did, as my feet were killing me after having had to stand for three hours. I also discovered that SPAC is a 40-minute walk from my house.

The complete song list played last night (with the album the song is from) was:

Limelight (Moving Pictures, 1981)
Digital Man (Signals, 1982)
Entre Nous (Permanent Waves, 1980)
Mission (Hold Your Fire, 1987)
Free Will (Permanent Waves, 1980)
The Main Monkey Business (Snakes and Arrows, 2007)
The Larger Bowl (Snakes and Arrows, 2007)
Secret Touch (Vapor Trails, 2002)
Circumstances (Hemispheres, 1978)
Between the Wheels (Grace Under Pressure, 1984)
Dreamline (Roll the Bones, 1991)

break

Far Cry (Snakes and Arrows, 2007)
Workin' Them Angels (Snakes and Arrows, 2007)
Armor and Sword (Snakes and Arrows, 2007)
Spindrift (Snakes and Arrows, 2007)
The Way the Wind Blows (Snakes and Arrows, 2007)
Subdivisions (Signals, 1982)
Natural Science (Permanent Waves, 1980)
Witch Hunt (Moving Pictures, 1981)
Malignant Narcissism (Snakes and Arrows, 2007)
Neil Peart's Drum Solo
Hope (an Alex lifeson solo acoustic 12-string piece) (Snakes and Arrows, 2007)
Summertime Blues (yes, the Eddie Cochrane song, from Feedback, the band's 2004 30th anniversary EP of cover songs)
The Spirit of Radio (Permanent Waves, 1980)
Tom Sawyer (Moving Pictures, 1981)

Encore:

One Little Victory (Vapor Trails, 2001)
A Passage to Bangkok (2112, 1976)
YYZ (Moving Pictures, 1981)

Thursday, June 28, 2007

That'll Be the Deity

Wow, I had no idea that being God, the Creator of the Universe, was so supremely dull that this is what he chooses to focus his energies on:
New Kensington resident Joey Salvati, 39, a father of two, was in the shower about a month ago when he first heard God speak to him about the matter. Whether it was an external or internal voice, he wasn't sure. He tried to ignore it, but it kept coming back, day after day, until he realized he had to do something about it. The message was for Salvati to make wooden paddles for corporal punishment and give them to parents who need help disciplining their children.
Curing disease and suffering? Nope. Putting an end to poverty? Uh-uh. Telling humans that killing people in his name is really bad idea? Not gonna happen, God's got better things to do. But making wooden paddles to beat the shit out of kids? Yep.

Oy gevalt.

Net Worth

Well, this is comforting. If someone were to sell my body to medical science, it would yield about four times what I got for my 10-year-old car. Truth be told, though, the car ran better.

$3950.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth

Mingle2 - Online Dating

Gimme 40

This appears to be the 40th anniversary of many things, such as "The Summer of Love," Sgt. Pepper, me, and, as it turns out, the bane/convenience of all our existences: the ATM.
Before the first ATM was installed by Barclay's Bank near London in 1967, there was a lot of standing in line and writing of checks, though there were probably a lot fewer $20 bills in the United States back then.
Funny with all the advances in chip power how ATMs have not gotten any faster over time. In fact, Bank of America ATMs are getting slower. Oh, wait, that's so we can read their dumb ads while trying to get money...

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Delta Dawn

Well, the trip to Atlanta went off without incident; actually, the flight(s) were far more pleasant than the drive down I-87 to Newburgh (why why why do people insist on doing <65 in the left lane when the signs quite clearly say "keep right except to pass"? Do they know the problems and near-accidents this causes?).

I was headed to Atlanta for the NAPL Technology Conference (or whatever it was called) and the hotel it was held at (the Renaissance Concourse) was located right at the airport, which was a pain, as I like to be closer to things to do and places to go rather than trapped at a conference. It was also one of those irritating hotels that have a fee for everything--Internet? $15 (uh, no, thanks; thankfully the BlackBerry worked just fine). Want to use the computer in the lobby? $10. Want the air conditioning on? $5. Want the air conditioning off? $6. Want towels? $9. Oy.

Still, this was the view from my room:
It's interesting how the universe loves to taunt me so. But sitting and watching planes take off and land for a while is really quite hypnotic, and was actually quite therapeutic for anticipating the return flight.

Anyway, I really don't like business travel all that much, and I find that the only advantage to it is to explore cities I've never been to--like Atlanta. The woman I sat next to on the plane (who is a sales rep for a company that imports handbags that resemble dogs--it sounds extremely upsetting) recommended a jazz club in Atlanta called Dailey's. I arrived at the hotel about 5:30 and was starving, and I try to avoid chain and hotel restaurants, so I looked up Dailey's Web site on my BlackBerry. It looked like a nice place, so I grabbed a cab and headed downtown. And it was a terrific restaurant--if a tad on the pricey side. They were known for a cracked pepper swordfish and it was phenomenal. I had never heard of black bean soup, but it was very good. After the second gin and tonic, I kept wondering if the restaurant was owned by Bill Daily, who played Major Healey in I Dream of Jeannie. (The spelling should have been a good indication that it was not.)

Next door to Dailey's restaurant is the jazz club/bar area I had heard about. I had about a half hour before the band came on, so I walked around downtown for a bit. Not a massively bustling city, but clean and pleasant enough. It definitely looks like it's in the midst of a renaissance of sorts.

The jazz club was nice enough, although it is also billed as a "cigar bar," which usually means you have to put your clothes in a HazMat van when you're done, but fortunately it wasn't crowded and no one was smoking cigars. It wasn't really a jazz band--more like a blues band and they did a decent enough job covering Van Morrison.

I was exhausted so I did not stay very long, although I did enjoy a local Georgia microbrew called Sweetwater Pale Ale, which is quite good.

The cab driver--the same one who had driven me there from the hotel; he gave me his card and was having a slow night and said to give him a call when I was ready to return--was a really nice if often impenetrably accented guy named Bade, who was of Nigerian extraction, having lived in Atlanta for 16 years. He gave me a tour (it was a flat rate to the hotel, so I wasn't being taken for a ride, so to speak) of the city--mostly of Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthplace, his original church, and where one of his first marches took place (it's a National Park now). We also went past Turner Field (the Braves were playing the Red Sox--I do not know who won, but was glad that I do not have a New England accent).

I did not see "The Magician" (you'll have to watch the Futurama clip below).

After my presentation Wednesday afternoon, I headed back to the airport. As I mentioned previously, I had not flown since before 9/11 and was not used to having to remove my shoes (although all I could think of was Kurt Vonnegut's quote that it was a good thing no one tried to sneak exploding pants onto a plane). Still, even with the immense security lines in Atlanta, everyone was well-behaved and the staff there know how to keep everyone moving. The Atlanta airport has its own subway system, but I elected to walk (I had a lot of time) the 3000 feet to Concourse B. Unfortunately, I realized too late that I had left my shoe inserts (for my plantar fasciitis foot problem) in my dress shoes--which were in the luggage I had checked. Doh!

It was about dinner time and after searching desperately and with aching feet for a place to eat that was not completely mobbed, I finally found a Sam Adams pub right near my gate and had a few pints of Sam's Summer Ale and a cheeseburger that was slightly less inedible than a McDonald's cheeseburger.

As it turned out, the flight was an hour late taking off because the crew were delayed getting in from Gulfport, MS. There was some grumbling; actually, every Delta flight was delayed, leading some to think DELTA stood for "Doesn't Ever Leave The Airport," which I found amusing. Still, I'm a veteran of Amtrak, so an hour late is nothing. I just wish they had more seats at the gate (my feet were really killing me and the beer was wearing off).

The flight back itself was very pleasant (there's something quite ethereal about night flights), and I found the drive back up I-87 at 2 a.m. a much better time to be driving. I can see the appeal of being a vampire (except maybe for the blood thing).

All in all, I achieved my goal of coming several steps closer to getting over my fear of flying. London, here I come!

Monday, June 18, 2007

South by Southwest

I think a big part of my fear of flying came from all the times I had to fly on Southwest when I lived in California. I dug through my video archives and edited together these clips of my various flights on Southwest Airlines:

More Obsessing About Atlanta

Of course, I can never think of Atlanta without thinking of the Futurama episode "The Deep South," which explains what happened to Atlanta by the year 3000.

In the Court of the Crimson King

I couldn't find a video of King Crimson doing "One More Red Nightmare" (see below) but I did find pretty much the same lineup (except with the addition of David Cross on mellotron and violin) doing "Easy Money" from their 1973 Larks Tongues in Aspic record.

For the Birds

Video of Andrew Bird playing "Fiery Crash" live in Minneapolis, a week before mi hermano and I saw him in Boston.

The Robot Holocaust--Nice Day for a White Wedding?

Yes, but is this a non-denominational robot or can it "multitask"?
A robot called "Tiro" acts as master of ceremonies at a wedding for Seok Gyeong-Jae (L), one of the engineers who designed it, and his bride in Daejeon, 130 kilometres (78 miles) south of Seoul. The robot acted as master of ceremonies at a South Korean wedding in what its creators claimed as a world first.

This Fan Blows

Please kill me:
If you're the type that likes to call attention to yourself, and happen to need to lower the apparent room temperature at the same time, we can think of no better way than with this LED fan. With 42 LEDs mounted on the blades, the LED Art Fan spins and flickers at a brazillian* RPM to create beautiful persistence of vision images. Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so make sure you behold the video below.

Unbelievable bright images 5 megs of memory holds up to 128 individual frames.
No, no, no! I do not want a fan whose specs include megabytes!

Baby Got Pac

This is funny:
Pac Man’s Skull Exposed

Who knew that a circle with a giant mouth and tiny eyes could have such interesting anatomy beneath the surface. Pac-man’s skull was carefully crafted by artist Le Gentil Garcon after studying the skulls of human and predatory animals. He even collaborated with paleontologist Francois Escuille to make the most accurate representation right down to the tiny sacrum on his back-end.

iPhone, Therefore I Am

Here's a dopey headline (from Information Week):
Applications May Be The iPhone's Shortcoming
No. Given my experience with crappy cellphones, the only shortcoming would be if it is incapable of sending and receiving phone calls, a feature which is becoming rarer and rarer on phones these days.

Baby Got Bacteria

So I subscribe to this Co-Op America Newsletter, which offers tips and tricks for "shopping green." Not that I ever really do, given the fact that I'm basically cheap and lazy, but I at least like the idea of shopping green. (I also can't quite get into the "organic food" craze, preferring as I do inorganic foods, like Twinkies, given that my biological forebears evolved on another planet and were thus not carbon-based.)

Anyway, the current issue has a column on antibacterial soaps. It contains the passage:
In 1998, Tufts University reseracher Stuart Levy published a study in Nature, which found that frequent use of antibacterial soap caused genetic changes in bacteria, to the point where Levy speculated that these genetic changes couold create antibiotic-resistant "supergerms" and cause a public health crisis.
...
However, in October 2005, reserachers from Tufts (including Stuart Levy), Columbia University, and the University of Michigan did a follow-up study and found that household use of triclosan-based antibacterial hygiene products for one year did not result in participants carrying antibiotic-resistant bacteria on their hands.
Let's be clear about what we're talking about. The phrase "genetic changes in bacteria" is a little misleading, as it implies that the chemicals go into the bacterium's genome and cause mutations (like a Godzilla movie or something). What happens is that those bacteria that happen to have a genetic immunity to antibacterial products survive and replicate while those that do not, naturally, die. So the number of antibiotic-resistant bacteria increases. This is not science-fiction; it's basic Darwinism in action, and it's been well-documented that the overuse of pesticides in past decades has in fact led to the emergence of pests that are resistant to them, and for basically the same reason.

Now, this is not to say that it's a foregone conclusion that such organisms will develop, or that bacteria that are resistant to Dial handsoap will kill off humanity, but it's not a completely outlandish notion.

Personally, I try to avoid antibacterial products, simply because I'm not Howard Hughes (although, rent me Ice Station Zebra and we'll see what happens...) and have more important things to be afraid of--like silver gleaming death machines that shoot across the sky and purportedly land in Atlanta.

One More Red Nightmare

And, of course, for my return flight on Wednesday, I shan't forget this classic King Crimson* track from 1974:

Pan American nightmare
Ten thousand feet funfair
Convinced that I don't care
It's safe as houses I swear
I was just sitting musing
The virtues of cruising
When altitude dropping
My ears started popping
One more red nightmare

Sweat beginning to pour down
My neck as I turned round
I heard fortune shouting
"Get off of this outing"
A farewell swansong
See you know how turbulence can be
The stewardess made me
But the captain forbade me
One more red nightmare

Reality stirred me
My angel had heard me
The prayer had been answered
A reprieve has been granted
The dream was now broken
Thought rudely awoken
Really safe and sound
Asleep on the Greyhound
One more red nightmare

*The best King Crimson lineup (Robert Fripp, John Wetton, Bill Bruford), IMO.

Yeah, I Know...

...long time no post. Hey, you get what you pay for.

Anyway, what follows are some recent activities.

I should also mention that I saw Ocean's 13 the other night--it was enjoyable (I did not see the previous two) although it strained the very limits of believability. (I would imagine that casino pit bosses would think something was awry when dice magically change sides after being thrown and how exactly does one get a permit to dig under a hotel and trigger an earthquake?!) Still, it did make some of the Mission: Impossible plots seen downright plausible!

Fiery Crash

So today is my day for wigging out—I am flying to Atlanta tomorrow for some NAPL thing. It is perhaps a testament to the success of Toastmasters that I am completely blase about giving the presentation, but am dreading the flight (I need to find a Planemasters group, methinks). This is the first time I will have been on a plane in more than seven years (April 2000 was the last time). Actually, I had no desire to do this NAPL thing whatsoever, but only took it on it as an excuse to take a “test flight” in preparation for a trip to London to visit Amy and Steven in August.

I figured it was high time I got over this ridicuous fear of flying—it reached the height (so to speak) of absurdity last Graph Expo when I spent more time getting to Chicago than actually being in Chicago.

Of course, one of the worst things about flying, I discovered, was actually finding a flight. I wanted a non-stop flight (I don’t like takeoffs and landings—well, I should say I like the latter better than the former...). Naturally, there was no non-stop flight from Albany to Atlanta that cost under $1,000, but with Dr. Joe’s help I discovered one out of Newburgh, NY—about a 90-minute drive south of here—for under $200. As long as I keep thinking logically—the drive to Newburgh is statsitically less safe than the flight—I should be fine.

I also will keep playing one of my favorite Andrew Bird songs—“Fiery Crash”:

turnstiles on mezzanines
jet ways and Dramamine fiends
and x-ray machines
you were hurling through space
g-forces twisting your face
breeding superstition
a fatal premonition
you know you got to envision
the fiery crash

oh close your eyes and you wake up
face stuck to a vinyl settee
oh the line was starting to break up
just as you were starting to say
something apropos I don't know

beige tiles and magazines
Lou Dobbs and the CNN team
on every monitor screen
you were caught in the crossfire
where every human face
has you reaching for your mace
so it's kind of an imposition
fatal premonition

to save our lives you've got to envision
and to save all our lives you've got to envision
the fiery crash

it's just a formality
why must I explain?
just a nod to mortality
before you get on a place

oh close your eyes and you wake up
face stuck to a vinyl settee
oh the line was starting to break up
what was that you were going to say?

Walkies!

My friend Rob and I decided to look into joining an outdoor/social club in the Capital District called Two Rivers and, as it happened, I know one of their members via my Toastmasters Club and I ran into her again at the parade last weekend (see below).

So Saturday, we went on a hike through Thacher State Park in Voorheesville. I loaded up my backpack with water, bug spray, sunblock (precious liquid), trail mix, Band Aids, aspirin, Immodium (I prepare for everything!), and, at my sister-in-law’s suggestion, dry socks. I didn’t need the extra socks, but it was great fun. It wasn’t especially arduous (thankfully, as I am old), but it was very scenic. There were eight of us, and getting us all together to head down to the park was rather like herding cats; people kept going off and getting lost and it was like those horror movies where one search party gets lost looking for other search parties.

Still, it was a great time, and I look forward to future hikes and other outdoorsy events. (There is a bike ride next weekend, although I do not have a bike.) Kayaking will be a challenge; I suspect if I try that I will end up upside-down in no time.


That New Car Smell

My 10-year-old Saturn was acting up, so after several years of shilly-shallying I finally bit the bullet and bought a new car: a 2007 Toyota Camry. I was willing to pay extra for a hybrid version (even though, doing the math, given how little I drive, I would need to own the car for about 90 years before it paid for itself in gas savings) but the only one they had was cherry red (an obnoxious color) and tricked out with an extra $6K worth of crap like GPS and Bluetooth that I have no use or desire for. (I’m a simple people—all I wanted was an iPod adapter and decent cupholders—both of which came standard).

If you’re in the Saratoga area and are in the market for a car, I highly recommend New Country Toyota at Exit 15. They were very friendly and not high-pressure—or at least Aimee, my salesperson, wasn’t, but then she said she was new at car salesmanship. I thought I got a pretty good deal (like I know...), although they could not answer my question about the difference between a sunroof and a moonroof (apparently, the only difference is time of day you use it) and whether the latter would accelerate my lycanthropy.

I was excited by the fact that I had an iPod adapter (and a decent sound system) and no longer had to use a craoppy tape deck adapter—but then the day after I got the car, my iPod died. (Yes, I felt like Burgess Meredith in that Twilight Zone episode “Time Enough at Last” where he finally has the chance to read all the books he wants but then breaks his glasses). So my shakedown cruise was down to the Apple Store in Crossgates Mall to see what was wrong with it—fortunately, it just needed a power boost and a restart. Whew!

Pride (in the Name of Love)

June 10 was the annual Capital District Gay & Lesbian Pride Parade and Festival, held down in Albany. I was on the event planning committee this year, and a great time was had by all. I also volunteered to work the parade, and got to don an orange vest and walk alongside the Bomber’s Burrito float, keep traffic moving, and keep from being crushed by an immense burrito. We estimated about 3,000+ people showed up in Washington Park for exhibitors, live acts (Albany band Ten Year Vamp was really good), and general merriment.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Book 'Em, Dano

The latest roundup of what I have been reading lately.

Breakfast of Champions
Kurt Vonnegut
Apr. 2007
Fiction

A reread of Vonnegut's seventh novel (1973), the first Vonnegut book I had read (I borrowed it from Steven Hodges sometime during my sophomore year in college in 1986). It's not a "typical" Vonnegut novel, in that it was, as he says, written as a birthday present to himself on his 50th birthday.

Slapstick
Kurt Vonnegut
Apr. 2007
Fiction

A reread of Vonnegut's eighth (1976) novel, and one of the few I'm not really wild about.

Falling Man
Don DeLillo
May. 2007
Fiction

Falling Man is the new novel from a favorite author of mine (although I have only read a fraction of his books). I still am having a tough time determining what to make of it. DeLillo is a New Yorker, and Falling Man is a novel that is based on 9/11--Keith Neudecker was in the WTC when the planes hit, and the book opens with him fleeing the devastation. The event reconciles him with Linnia, his estranged wife and their young son Justin. Meanwhile, Keith returns a briefcase he found on a stairwell as he was fleeing to its owner, another survivor, and they have an affair. There is also Linnia's mother's European lover Martin, who had been a terrorist of sorts in the 1960s, and sections of the novel follow one of the hijackers as he trains with Mohammed Atta. There is also the titular "Falling Man," a performance artist who appears in random locations around NYC reenacting the poses of people who jumped from the towers. Themes related to terrorism have suffused DeLillo's work since the 1970s, so 9/11 seems ripe territory for him. While there is much to recommend in the book, it lacks the brilliance of his best work, like Underworld or White Noise, which were exceptional (and often sardonic) glimpses of 20th (and 21st) century disconnected America. DeLillo has a gift for language, and much of the novel becomes psychological exploration of 9/11 and its aftermath. Keith's poker buddy died in the towers, so he becomes obsessed with professional poker. Linnia beats up her Middle Eastern neighbor. Most chilling, though, is young Justin, who has a secret game with his friends where they scan the skies with binoculars waiting for a man named "Bill Lawton" (that is, a childhood garbling of "Bin Laden"). The book has much emotional depth and resonance, but it was hard to really get into Keith and Linnia as characters, since they're just kind of unpleasant. It's a very short novel, and needs....something else, something I can't put my finger on. Falling Man is good, but I would have expected something better from DeLillo, especially on this topic.

After Dark
Haruki Murakami
May. 2007
Fiction

My absolute favorite contemporary author is bestselling (in Japan) author Haruki Murakami. I first read his magnum opus The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle when it came out in 1997, and I have been a fan of his ever since. His novels are like dreams, in that they take surface reality and combine elements of what is called in literary circles "Magic Realism": cats talk, sage figures appear dressed as Colonel Sanders or Johnny Walker, and reality becomes distorted. It’s like the literary equivalent of a Dali painting; the point isn’t to explain and understand every aspect of it, but to just take it in and let the experience wash over you--and change you. It's a very visceral way to read, and one that doesn't always lend itself to being written about (ironically). Anyway, his last novel, Kafka on the Shore was a return to brilliance after a couple of (IMO) moderate misfires, and After Dark is not as good, but is still good Murakami. A very short book (more novella; I finished it in basically two sittings) takes place in the six hours after midnight in Tokyo. A young girl, Mari Asai, is eating in a Denny's when she is visited by a series of strangers--a young jazz musician and a housekeeper at a "love hotel"--the latter of whom enlists her help in translating for a young Chinese prostitute who has been beaten up and robbed by a businessman, who fled the scene. Meanwhile, Mari's sister Eri sleeps and is pulled into a strange netherworld visible through her unplugged television set (told you this was magic realism). "Time moves in its own way in the middle of the night," says a bartender at one point. "You can't fight it," which could be the best way to sum up the book. It distorts reality, rends time and space, and is kind of a head trip in parts, but there is some wonderful dialogue between Mari and some of the other characters. My only complaint is that it was too short and, even though you expect things to be unexplained in Murakami, it seemed a bit too unexplained this time. Still, I enjoyed After Dark very much.

The Undercover Economist
Tim Harford
May. 2007
Non-Fiction

And now for something completely different. A very good introduction to basic economic thought by a Financial Times columnist. It isn't really an economics textbook per se, but rather uses the basic principles of economics to look at everyday questions, such as "Why can Starbucks get away with charging so much for coffee?" "why are poor nations poor?" and "Why has China been such a success story?" This has been billed as the companion book to Freakonomics, but I disagree; Freakonomics was basically a way of using bizarre convolutions of economic thought to examine arcane and fairly irrelevant issues while The Undercover Economist is more a way of "thinking like an economist" in everyday matters. Very enjoyable, as well.

I’ll Sleep When I'm Dead: The Dirty Life and Times of Warren Zevon
Crystal Zevon
May. 2007
Non-Fiction

Warren Zevon was one of my favorite singer/songwriters and this book, published by his ex-wife and longtime friend (published at his insistence, not as a hatchet job by a vindictive ex-spouse) is an "oral history" of Zevon's life. That is, not written in a narrative form, but rather is a collection of interviews with friends (writers like Carl Hiaasen, Dave Barry, and Stephen King), family, fellow musicians (Bruce Springsteen, Jackson Browne, etc.), ex-lovers, etc., that tells Zevon's story. Would that everyone had a bit nicer things to say about him. Almost the entire book reads like it was a hatchet job; detail after detail of Zevon's battles with alcohol, womanizing, his own temperament, etc., wear very thin, and one only occasionally gets a glimpse of the "good" Zevon, or ultimately what made him a great songwriter and a world-class entertainer. Ultimately, it's a very depressing book. I think I'd much rather listen to his records. In fact, I think I will...

How to Lie With Statistics
Darrell Huff
May. 2007
Non-Fiction

First published in 1954, I read this classic "pop mathematics" book way back when while I was working for You Know Who, but it deserves a reread. Huff was not a mathematician; he was a magazine editor (Family Circle) who wrote many books in his lifetime, this being the only math-themed one. It is a wonderful introduction to statistical thought and the ways that statistics can be used to mislead. Even though the examples from the 1950s are a bit dated, the principles sure aren't. This is required reading...for anyone, really.

Wickett's Remedy
Myla Goldberg
May. 2007
Fiction

Hoo boy. I really wanted to really like this book. I thought Bee Season, Goldberg's first novel, was delightful, even if it went off in some bizarre directions. This one shows her mastery of language and a willingness to take chances. Essentially, Wickett's Remedy is about Lydia, an Irish woman from South Boston who, following the death of her husband and brother, becomes a volunteer nurse during the Spanish influenza epidemic of the 1910s during the First World War. What is cool about this book is that the marginal notes provide a sort of Greek chorus by characters who have died, "correcting" or commenting on action in the main text. It's a unique idea and it works very well (and is often quite funny). However, there is also a subplot (or maybe even a main plot, it's hard to tell) about the titular remedy itself. That is, "Wickett's Remedy" was a "health elixir" that Lydia's husband had invented and, after his death, his business partner stole the recipe and turned it into the nation's bestselling soda. Indeed, each chapter ends with excerpts from "modern" (that is, 1990s-era) “QD Soda” promotional literature, factory tour guides, a newsletter, and so forth. How this ties in with the Spanish influenza story...um...not so well. It seems there were two books here and at the end of the day (or at the end of the book), the two stories are not integrated in a very satisfying manner--or, indeed, at all. Even the main story ends a bit abruptly, as if someone said "Pencils down" and Goldberg was forced to stop writing and it was published wherever she happened to stop. (I was amused to note in the Acknowledgements that her editor is someone I worked with--and hated--at St. Martin's Press and I'm happy--in a vindictive sort of way--to see that he has become a crappy editor.)

Blog Tired

Yeah, I know, it's been a while since I have posted (you get what you pay for...). Now that Spring is here and the weather has been beautiful, I have been eager to spend as little time as possible in front of the computer (just enough to get my work done) and more time out frolicking, gardening, wining and dining, etc.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Think Thin?

Ken forwarded me this article, with some additional comments that are not suitable for a family-friendly (?) blog. But:
Thin people may be fat inside

Some doctors now think that the internal fat surrounding vital organs like the heart, liver or pancreas — invisible to the naked eye — could be as dangerous as the more obvious external fat that bulges underneath the skin.

"Being thin doesn't automatically mean you're not fat," said Dr. Jimmy Bell, a professor of molecular imaging at Imperial College, London.
...
"The whole concept of being fat needs to be redefined".
OK, I have the utmost respect for science in general, and medical science in particular, but it's stuff like this that makes holistic medicine, homeopathy, and other such quackery sound appealing. Yes, yes, yes, everything is lethal, everything will kill us. Let's fret about every last nanogram of fat in our bodies. What's next: "Not being sick doesn't automatically mean you're healthy"? "Being alive doesn't automatically mean you're not not dead"? It's amazing that the human race survived for hundreds of thousands of years. Y'know, my grandmother lived on a diet of basically butter and she lived to be 99.

I'm going for a hamburger...

Monday, May 07, 2007

The Mollusk that Refreshes

My vote would go to R.C. Cola or perhaps Genessee Cream Ale, but Japan's Octopus Dumpling Soda would be a contender for Worst Beverage Ever.

UPDATE: Ah, the Octopus Dumpling Soda is just a joke. Pity. Would that Genesee Cream Ale were.

Something for Nothing

Would you pay $6+ for nothing? Some people apparently would. Yes: someone is selling a shrinkwrapped package of "nothing." That is, a clear plastic dome filled with nothing. OK, then.

The Giant Spider Invasion

Now, I rather like spiders (up to a point, natch) and despite the tarantula's fearsome reputation, truth is, there is no record in the history of medicine of anyone ever having died from a tarantula bite (the proteins in their saliva have been known to trigger some allergic reactions, but is not considered venom per se). Plus, many species of tarantula are quite docile and rarely bite anything as large as a human (unless the human is causing it undue aggravation). It's interesting to me that, even knowing all this, people are still terrified of tarantulas, while mosquitoes--which have been responsible for millions of deaths (malaria, encephalitis, dengue, etc.)--are just considered pesky nuisances. Go figure.

Anyway, that all said, a tarantula that measures one foot wide and eats chickens is just wrong. We may have to send in John Agar.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Cutting the Cords

This is cool:
Plastic sheet delivers wireless power

Desks and walls could one day light up electronics without need for cables.

Annoyed by the tangle of power cords under your desk? A sheet of plastic invented by researchers in Japan could one day make for tables and walls that power devices placed on them — without any need for wires or plugs. Computers could be powered through the desks on which they sit, for example, or flat-screen televisions through the walls where they hang.

The team of seven researchers at the University of Tokyo has produced a sample sheet of the plastic, which is about the size of a very thin magazine — just one millimetre thick and weighing 50 grams. It can deliver up to 40 watts of power to products on or near it that contain a special 'receiving coil': enough to power a lightbulb or a very small laptop. They say that scaled-up production of such sheets could be inexpensive enough for widespread installation in desks, floors, ceilings and walls, ushering in a "new class of electronic devices".

The plastic, described today in Nature Materials1, has as its base a layer of transistor featuring pentacene, an organic molecule whose electrical conductivity can be controlled. Topping that are layers holding copper coils that can sense whether a compatible electronic device is nearby, microelectromechanical-system (MEMS) switches that serve to turn on and off the power, and copper coils to transmit electricity.

Breakfast of Champions?

If Internet cafes started serving breakfast, I can only assume they would use the latest in utter nerdiness: the keyboard waffle-iron. Most of us have inadvertently spilled syrup, butter, or other comestibles into our keyboards at one time or another, but now we can do so without worry. What's next--mouse-shaped muffins? (Oh, dear, let's not give them any ideas...)

You have to eat the Enter key to feel full.

If you eat the Shift key, the portions will be bigger.

If you eat the Tab key, you will fly across the breakfast table.

To get away from an unwanted breakfast guest, eat the Esc key.

If you eat Ctrl-Alt-Delete simultaneously, breakfast will abruptly end.

Whatever you do, don't eat the Up Arrow key.

Eating the space bar will just give you gas.

And after breakfast, of course, you can have a vowel movement.

Days of Future Past

Someone has unearthed and posted a set of vintage postcards from 1900 illustrating what the quaint fin-de-siècle Victorians (actually a German chocolate company) thought life would look like in 2000. The House-Moving Train is not that far removed from (but a little smaller than) some of today's SUVs. The Personal Flying Machines are an interesting illustration of a class-action clawsuit about to happen, but my favorite would have to be the Personal Airships. Who wouldn't want their own blimp?

What I especially love is how dignified and respectable everyone looks--quite the opposite of today, where decorum and dignity (must people wear flip-flops in public?) appear to have gone the way of Victoria.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Seas the Day

One of my oldest and dearest friends--Amy Miller--who emigrated to England some years ago with some strange guy she met* is now a curator at the National Maritime Museum in London, and was interviewed on BBC Radio about the origin of the phrase "seven seas."

To hear her wax philosophic about Pliny the Elder, the Ancient Sumerians, and other maritime arcana, go to: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/factual/questionsquestions.shtml. Above the picture of the presenter you will see a bluebar saying LISTEN AGAIN. Click on the red text and you will be able to listen to the program. Amy comes on around the 20-minute mark.

Now I feel like putting on the classic Echo & the Bunnymen track "Seven Seas."



*Actually, it was her husband, Steven Hodges, one of my best friends from college. They now have two children and a dwindling collection of cats.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

So-Duh

Say what?
Coca-Cola and L'Oréal are partnering to create a new health-and-beauty beverage to launch in 2008, sources said.

Currently called Lumaé, the nutraceutical drink was trademarked as a tea-based ready-to-drink beverage by Coca-Cola's Beverage Partners Worldwide division. The drink, which is still in the early stages of development, is expected to contain ingredients that will help women care for their skin, per a source.
Hmm...can caffeine be absorbed subcutaneously?

Wait..."nutraceutical"? Huh?

A Tolkien of My Extreme

Goofy headline of the week (from Salon):
Why can't gay dwarves get married in Middle-earth?
A pressing issue indeed.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Reading Railroad

Pursuant to a previous post, here is the latest rundown of what I have been reading (boy, I love not having cable TV!).


Something in the Air
Marc Fisher
Read: Mar. 2007
Non-Fiction

Well-researched history of modern radio (that is, since the advent of TV). It had been said that TV would kill radio, and while the old radio dramas and comedies went visual, that led radio to evolve into a music delivery medium. Interestingly, at first no one thought that playing records would catch on (at first, radio music was played by live bands) but they were, um, proved wrong. Much of the book describes how radio has off and on evolved into a creative medium, beloved by its listeners and, inevitably, fell prey to consultants, researchers, and bland programming, turning people away in droves. Always, radio's pioneers have been those who listened to folks like Jean Shepherd or Cousin Brucie "with their transistor radios under their pillows at night." Freeform rock radio of the 1960s and early 70s gave way to the automated stations of the late 70s, 80s, and 90s. It seems incomplete in parts; L.A.'s KMET is mentioned once in passing, and they were a big influence on freeform rock radio. Still, an interesting and educational read--sure to get make anyone who has ever really loved radio peeved and nostalgic.

Then We Came to the End
Joshua Ferris
Read: Mar. 2007
Fiction

A wonderful first novel, detailing the lives of the denizens of a successful ad agency in the dot-com boom time and its aftermath of layoffs and paranoia. It took me a while to get into the rhythm of the book's language and to realize that the narrative voice is the plural "us", that is, the collective whole of the ad agency. It's a technique that has been much-remarked on in reviews, and as a narrative technique is works extremely well. The characters are realistic and funny, and the ridiculousness of office life is well-expressed. I highly recommend this book and can't wait for Ferris' next book.

The Black Dahlia
James Ellroy
Read: Mar. 2007
Fiction

I read this shortly after seeing the OK-but-not-great Brian DePalma movie and was eager to figure out just what was going on. The book was good, but the "hard-boiled" vernacular got a bit grating. I have no idea if people actually talked that way in the 1940s, but, if so, perhaps it's the first time I was glad I lived in the time I now live in. Anyway, it has a lot more psychological depth than other mystery thrillers and the new Afterword by the author explains the genesis of the story. All in all, not a bad book, but I’m not eager to seek out more Ellroy.

Boomsday
Christopher Buckley
Read: Apr. 2007
Fiction

Boomsday, the latest satirical novel from scion of William F. Buckley, is a return to form after his disappointing Florence of Arabia. Boomsday is about a 30-year-old blogger named Cassandra Devine, who is teed off about the impending insolvency [sic] of Social Security caused by the looming senescence of the Baby Boom generation. Thus, her Swift-ian "Modest Proposal" is to give tax breaks to elderly Boomers who kill themselves (or "transition," as it is euphemistically called). While I don’t grant the premise of the novel, it is a very funny political satire and shows that Buckley's wit has not dulled one whit, lampooning as he does the political process, thinly veiled political figures on the left and right, generational politics, the religious right, and electioneering. Boomsday is up there with Buckley's earlier Thank You for Smoking and Little Green Men, my two favorites of his.

After the death of Kurt Vonnegut, I embarked on a reread of his novels in order:

Player Piano
Kurt Vonnegut
Read: Apr. 2007
Fiction

A reread of Vonnegut's first (1952) novel (I first read it circa. 1986). As a first novel, it's a great work, but pales in comparison to Vonnegut's later novels. It is set in the not-too-distant future in the Upstate New York city of Ilium (Troy, anyone?). In this dystopian future, most of the work is done by machines, and the machines tell everyone what they are best suited for. IQ tests are everything (students panic over them like they were SATs) and those who have substandard IQs are relegated to either the Army or a variety of demeaning public works positions. Engineers and managers sit atop the socioeconomic pyramid and yet must play by the silly rules of corporate life--asskissing and not saying the wrong thing and "toeing the line," lest they be perceived as a "saboteur." In Ilium, Dr. Paul Proteus sits atop the pyramid, but begins to question the whole system and falls in with a group of saboteurs who seek to foment revolution, destroy the machines, and restore dignity to mankind. Being Vonnegut's first novel, it lacks his trademark humor and narrative voice (the tone is very dry and matter-of-fact throughout), but is still very sarcastic and funny, especially his depiction of a corporate retreat. Although the basic plot of Player Piano has been done to death over the years (many "Twilight Zone" episodes, for example, would concern themselves with successful careerpersons who question the validity of the rat race, but Vonnegut's vision still holds up, methinks. I would have to describe Player Piano as a very good novel, but only a somewhat good Vonnegut novel. In his collection of essays, Palm Sunday, Vonnegut himself graded all his novels and gave Player Piano a B. I would concur.

The Sirens of Titan
Kurt Vonnegut
Read: Apr. 2007
Fiction

A reread of Vonnegut's second (1959) novel (I first read it circa. 1986) and Sirens of Titan is the first truly great Vonnegut book. Winston Niles Rumfoord, a wealthy Newporter, blasts off in a private spaceship (shades of Richard Branson, methinks) and encounters a chrono-synclasic infundibula, a space-time phenomenon that causes him (and his dog) to travel through space as a wave function, materializing at regular intervals on Earth, Mars, Mercury, and Titan, one of the moons of Saturn. Rumfoord uses his newfound ability (and his ability to see the future) to control the fates of humans--in particular, he uses his resources to kidnap thousands of humans, take them to Mars, and brainwash them into training as the Army of Mars and launching an ill-fated invasion of Earth. One of Rumfoord's pawns is Malachi Constant, a billionaire, a buffoon, and the luckiest human on Earth. However, it turns out that Rumfoord himself (indeed, all of humanity) have themselves been the unwitting pawns of a super race of beings from the planet Tralfamadore (of whom more in Slaughterhouse-Five). The Sirens of Titan, only Vonnegut's second novel, features the narrative voice we all know and love. The plot is full of twists and turns and it's virtually impossible to tell were it's going. It's also insanely funny, as well as moving, heartbreaking, and full of Vonnegut's takes on the follies (and virtues) of mankind. One of Vonnegut's best books. In Palm Sunday, he rated it an A. I rate in A+.

Mother Night
Kurt Vonnegut
Read: Apr. 2007
Fiction

A second reread of Vonnegut's third (1961) novel (I first read it circa. 1986 and again in the late 1990s when the movie version came out). It is somewhat unusual in the Vonnegut canon in that is has absolutely no science or science-fiction elements. Mother Night is subtitled "The Confessions of Howard W. Campbell, Jr.," a playwright who emigrated to Germany between the wars. When World War II breaks out, he is recruited by an American military officer to spy on the Nazi regime and send coded messages via a pro-Nazi radio program. Campbell does not sympathize with the Nazis; he has no particular political leanings whatsoever, and is content to maintain loyalty solely to he and his wife Helga's "nation of two"--until she disappears during the war and is presumed dead. He goes along with the Government's plan. Unfortunately, after the war, no one knew he was actually an American spy and he is vilified by the world as a former Nazi. Campbell returns to the U.S. in seeming anonymity, until he is sought out and exposed by some new "friends"--neo-Nazis who have, to his chagrin, taken him to be their role model. The moral of the book, stated at the outset, is "We are what we pretend to be, so we had better be careful about what we pretend to be." What is the nature of morality and personal responsibility--and are good intentions ever enough? Campbell says at one point (and this should be tattooed on the forehead of anyone in talk radio today): "I had hoped, as a broadcaster, to be merely ludicrous, but this is a hard world to be ludicrous in, with so many human beings so reluctant to laugh, so incapable of thought, so eager to believe and snarl and hate." It's a short but brilliant novel. In Palm Sunday, Vonnegut rated it an A. I agree. There was a movie made of it in 1996 starring Nick Nolte which, as I recall, was pretty faithful to the book.

Cat's Cradle
Kurt Vonnegut
Read: Apr. 2007
Fiction

A reread of Vonnegut's fourth (1963) novel. Only slightly less freewheeling as The Sirens of Titan, Cat's Cradle is the first "full-fledged" Vonnegut novel. It is a wild ride that begins with a writer starting to research a biography about Felix Hoenikker, a (fictional) father of the atom bomb and ends with the writer accidentally becoming President of a small island nation in the Caribbean. In between, he is introduced to the odd Hoenikker family (including the vengeful midget son Newt who is obsessed with the children's string game cat's cradle--"Where's the damn cat? Where's the damn cradle?"), learns of Dr. Hoenikker's other doomsday weapon: ice-nine (a type of ice that has a much much higher melting point than regular ice and, if it were to be let loose, would end the world as we know it), and discovers a religion called Bokonism that is founded (overtly, that is) on "foma," or lies. Cat's Cradle is a wickedly sharp satire of human nature, politics, science, and religion. The book was also accepted as Vonnegut Masters thesis in anthropology by the University of Chicago. Definitely one of the best Vonnegut novels. It is also the fist book to include bits of "conceptual continuity" (to use Frank Zappa's phrase; that is, recurring characters (the Rumfoord family from Sirens of Titan) and places (Ilium, NY) from Player Piano.

God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater
Kurt Vonnegut
Read: Apr. 2007
Fiction

A reread of Vonnegut's fifth (1965) novel. Eliot Rosewater is the scion of a rich and powerful family. Eliot's father is a Senator and Rosewater County, Indiana, was named after the family. The Rosewater Foundation was set up to allow successive generations of Rosewaters to live their well-heeled lives. Trouble is, Eliot decides to set himself up in unprepossessing digs in the heart of Rosewater County and use the money to help the down-and-out of his eponymous county. Naturally, his family thinks he's insane and his father seeks to have him committed and a young, ambitious lawyer seeks to also prove that Eliot is insane so a middle-class Rhode Island-based offshoot of the Rosewater family can get the money. Eliot Rosewater isn't the Christ figure he may seem (he is an alcoholic), but his baptismal speech over the birth of twins--"There's only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you've got to be kind"--sums up Eliot's philosophy. God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater also includes more conceptual continuity; Rosewater's favorite author is Kilgore Trout, etc. A bit heavy-handed, perhaps, but this is one of Vonnegut's most acidly satirical novels, dealing as it does with money, greed, hypocrisy, and human nature.

Slaughterhouse-Five
Kurt Vonnegut
Read: Apr. 2007
Fiction

A reread of Vonnegut's sixth (1968) novel, the breakthrough book that made his reputation. It has typically been classified as an "antiwar" book (well, only a $^%$# moron would write a pro-war book), and it's easy to get that impression, but the war sections are more or less "telling it like it is," in that much of it comprises Vonnegut's own experiences as a prisoner of war in Dresden during World War II. However, the true protagonist of the book is the hapless Billy Pilgrim who, we are told at the outset, "has become unstuck in time." That is, he experiences the events of his life in random order, zipping back and forth from childhood, to his experiences in WWII, to his life as a successful optometrist in Ilium, NY, to his being kidnapped by aliens from Tralfamadore (them again!) and placed in a human zoo. Slaughterhouse-Five (the title comes from the place where the POWs were housed in Dresden and where Billy Pilgrim--and Vonnegut (his own character makes a couple of cameos)--waited out the Allied bombing) also introduces us to the phrase that led just about every obit of Vonnegut--"So it goes." This refrain occurs whenever someone in the book dies and is meant to reflect the Tralfamadorian philosophy about death and time; that is, they see time all at once, not as a sequence of moments, so a person isn't really dead since they are alive at all the moments in the past. "So it goes" is merely the blase acceptance of death. Slaughterhouse-Five is a wry satire, the culmination of everything Vonnegut has written up to that point (it also has more conceptual continuity, in that Kilgore Trout returns, Eliot Rosewater is a character, and Howard W. Campbell, Jr.--from Mother Night--makes a cameo, as well). There was also a not-bad-from-what-I-recall movie made of it in 1972 directed by George Roy Hill.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Buzz Off

What's up with this?
More than a quarter of the country’s 2.4 million bee colonies have been lost — tens of billions of bees, according to an estimate from the Apiary Inspectors of America, a national group that tracks beekeeping. So far, no one can say what is causing the bees to become disoriented and fail to return to their hives.
...
So far, colony collapse disorder has been found in 27 states, according to Bee Alert Technology Inc., a company monitoring the problem. A recent survey of 13 states by the Apiary Inspectors of America showed that 26 percent of beekeepers had lost half of their bee colonies between September and March.
Lest anyone ask "who cares?" well, we should:
Honeybees are arguably the insects that are most important to the human food chain. They are the principal pollinators of hundreds of fruits, vegetables, flowers and nuts. The number of bee colonies has been declining since the 1940s, even as the crops that rely on them, such as California almonds, have grown. In October, at about the time that beekeepers were experiencing huge bee losses, a study by the National Academy of Sciences questioned whether American agriculture was relying too heavily on one type of pollinator, the honeybee.
Wait, I was taking this seriously until one goofy line crept in:
Bee colonies have been under stress in recent years as more beekeepers have resorted to crisscrossing the country with 18-wheel trucks full of bees in search of pollination work.
Ah, the good old "dangling modifier": "bees in search of pollination work." Do they swarm on roadsides, with teeny tiny signs around their necks that read "Will pollinate for food?" I assume the writer meant that the beekeepers were looking for pollination work (not that that's any less goofy).
These bees may suffer from a diet that includes artificial supplements, concoctions akin to energy drinks and power bars. In several states, suburban sprawl has limited the bees’ natural forage areas.
Giving bees Red Bull is never a good idea either; maybe that was what caused the so-called "killer bees."

There Goes the Neighborhood

Listen:

Astronomers have found a more-or-less Earth-like planet orbiting close to the red-dwarf star Gliese 581 (in the constellation Libra):
The newfound planet has a minimum mass just five times that of Earth and a diameter perhaps 50% larger, meaning gravity at the surface would be about twice as strong.

This "super-Earth" circles the star Gliese 581 every 13 days at a distance of just 11 million kilometers (7 million miles). That's just 7% of the Earth-Sun distance, and if the host star were truly Sunlike the planet would be broiling hot. But Gleise 581 is a red dwarf (spectral type M3), considerably smaller, cooler, and dimmer than the Sun.

This means the new planet orbits within the star's "habitable zone." According to Stéphane Udry, who led the discovery team, its mean temperature is probably between 0° and 40° Celsius (30° and 100° F), so any water on its surface would be liquid. Moreover, notes Udry, "Models predict that the planet should be either rocky — like our Earth — or fully covered with oceans."
Gliese 581 is 20.5 light years away from Earth. This means that if you were in a starship traveling at the speed of light and you left on the 5:15 today out of Albany/Rensselaer, you would get there just before New Year 2028--although I hear that, if life is discovered, they will build a toll road that will shave one hour off the trip.

If there is life on this planet, let's hope it's intelligent life. My litmus test would be if they have cellphones or not. If yes, let's keep the heck away from it.

Zap!

Our favo[u]rite British gizmo reviewer, Dr. Ashen, is back (via Gizmodo) with a review of the Megacrisper, a little device for making crisps (i.e., potato chips) in the microwave.
He's got some production values this time, a step up from his previous reviews of a piece of shite mp4 player or a laser pen.

Generation Gap

I was in a bar in Albany last night waiting for a friend to show up and I was reading the New York Times online on my BlackBerry. Meanwhile, a 20-something guy sitting next to me was reading a print newspaper. Hah! Tell me I'm over-the-hill...

Like Shreds Through the Paper Shredder...

The days of our lives:
Susanna Hertrich’s Chrono_Shredder will have one of two effects: make one infinitely more productive, or spiraling into a pit of shame and self-persecution. As one piece in a series of “fictional” products designed to be useful for “human hibernation”, the Chrono_Shredder, well, continually shreds a calendar over a 365-day period, allowing the owner to not only tangibly judge the time passed, but also reflect upon their human waste and consumption.

Love Shack

From The Onion:
Even CEO Can't Figure Out How RadioShack Still In Business

Despite having been on the job for nine months, RadioShack CEO Julian Day said Monday that he still has "no idea" how the home electronics store manages to stay open.

"There must be some sort of business model that enables this company to make money, but I'll be damned if I know what it is," Day said. "You wouldn't think that people still buy enough strobe lights and extension cords to support an entire nationwide chain, but I guess they must, or I wouldn't have this desk to sit behind all day."
...
"Have you even been inside of a RadioShack recently?" Day asked. "Just walking into the place makes you feel vaguely depressed and alienated. Maybe our customers are at the mall anyway and don't feel like driving to Best Buy? I suppose that's possible, but still, it's just...weird."
...
"Even the name 'RadioShack'—can you imagine two less appealing words placed next to one another?" Day said. "What is that, some kind of World War II terminology? Are ham radio operators still around, even? Aren't we in the digital age?"
...
"I'd like to capitalize on the store's strong points, but I honestly don't know what they are," Day said. "Every location is full of bizarre adapters, random chargers, and old boom boxes, and some sales guy is constantly hovering over you. It's like walking into your grandpa's basement. You always expect to see something cool, but it never delivers."

Added Day: "I may never know the answer. No matter how many times I punch the sales figures into this crappy Tandy desk calculator, it just doesn't add up."

All Quiet on the Western Font?

Well, then: I suspect this is more tongue-in-cheek than it comes off, but a couple of graphic designers are seeking to ban the use of the font Comic Sans, that bane of PowerPoint presentations:
My wife Holly and I are both graphic designers, and when we realized that we shared a common disgust for inappropriate Comic Sans usage we decided that rather than just complain about it we should take action.
...
In short, it's just not safe for unregulated public use. It should be handled like controlled substances or firearms, and should be used only by licensed professionals in very specific settings. Since we can't have it that way, I'm afraid it should be banned altogether.
Ah. True, I am not a fan of the font but as for launching a campaign to eradicate it, well, I guess I have a life...

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Back Talk

Fans of Gilbert and Sullivan and Sir Mix-a-Lot (it would be an eclectic person indeed who fell into both camps) may enjoy this cheeky operetta-style version of "Baby Got Back" more or less synced with a sequence from "The Pirates of Penzance."

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

VoIP: The Dork Side

So I was in Boston at the On Demand Expo yesterday and I was wandering down the hallway past the meeting rooms, where folks were glued to cellphones (oh, how pleasant life was before them!). One person was apparently using VoIP (Voice Over Internet Protocol) and lacked the proper accoutrements, as he was holding his laptop computer up to his head, listening with a very short pair of iPod headphones and talking into the PC's built-in mike. It looked massively dorky. I wonder if the computer's microphone was sensitive enough to have picked up my laughter as I walked by.

The Bird's

Back in 2005, one of my favorite albums of the year was The Mysterious Production of Eggs by Chicago-based multi-instrumentalist Andrew Bird (violin, guitar, xylophone, and other things, as well as award-winning whistling). (I had blogged about it here.) His new album is called Armchair Apocrypha and even if it is not as brilliant as MPOE, I still have not stopped playing it for the past three weeks. The album opens with a meditation on a "Fiery Crash" that frequent flyers make prior to boarding a silver glemaing death machine--I mean a plane. But then maybe that was just me... "Imitosis," my favorite track, began life as the song "I" on Bird's 2003 album Weather Systems, here expanded, and for the better. Throughout, there is Bird's odd yet compelling and thoughtful lyrics and some of the best music you're not likely to hear on the radio. Mi hermano and I have tickets to see Bird on Boston next month and I cannot wait.

Bird appeared on Letterman last week, performing the song "Plasticities." It is presented herewith.

I Knew They Wouldn't Last

Says Business Week:
The world's oldest continuously operating family business ended its impressive run last year. Japanese temple builder Kongo Gumi, in operation under the founders' descendants since 578, succumbed to excess debt and an unfavorable business climate in 2006.

How do you make a family business last for 14 centuries? Kongo Gumi's case suggests that it's a good idea to operate in a stable industry. Few industries could be less flighty than Buddhist temple construction. The belief system has survived for thousands of years and has many millions of adherents.
So what did them in?
Despite its incredible history, it was a set of ordinary circumstances that brought Kongo Gumi down at last. Two factors were primarily responsible. First, during the 1980s bubble economy in Japan, the company borrowed heavily to invest in real estate. After the bubble burst in the 1992-93 recession, the assets secured by Kongo Gumi's debt shrank in value. Second, social changes in Japan brought about declining contributions to temples. As a result, demand for Kongo Gumi's temple-building services dropped sharply beginning in 1998.

The Kindness of Strangers

This June, the guitarist--Alan Morse--for one of the best (and one of my favorite) neo-progressive rock bands working today (Spock's Beard) is embarking on 545-mile bike ride as part of AIDS/LifeCycle, a 7-day bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles to raise money to make a world of difference in the lives of people living with HIV and AIDS. The event is cosponsored by the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center. For more information and/or to support Alan by making a donation, visit his AIDS/LifeCycle site here.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

So It Goes

Listen:

One of my all-time favorite writers has died. From the New York Times:
Kurt Vonnegut, whose dark comic talent and urgent moral vision in novels like “Slaughterhouse-Five,” “Cat’s Cradle” and “God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater” caught the temper of his times and the imagination of a generation, died last night in Manhattan. He was 84....

Mr. Vonnegut suffered irreversible brain injuries as a result of a fall several weeks ago, according to his wife, Jill Krementz.

Mr. Vonnegut wrote plays, essays and short fiction. But it was his novels that became classics of the American counterculture, making him a literary idol, particularly to students in the 1960s and ’70s. Dog-eared paperback copies of his books could be found in the back pockets of blue jeans and in dorm rooms on campuses throughout the United States.

Like Mark Twain, Mr. Vonnegut used humor to tackle the basic questions of human existence: Why are we in this world? Is there a presiding figure to make sense of all this, a god who in the end, despite making people suffer, wishes them well?

He also shared with Twain a profound pessimism. “Mark Twain,” Mr. Vonnegut wrote in his 1991 book, “Fates Worse Than Death: An Autobiographical Collage,” “finally stopped laughing at his own agony and that of those around him. He denounced life on this planet as a crock. He died.”

Not all Mr. Vonnegut’s themes were metaphysical. With a blend of vernacular writing, science fiction, jokes and philosophy, he also wrote about the banalities of consumer culture, for example, or the destruction of the environment.
I discovered Vonnegut in college and over the course of one summer read all of his novels (up to that point). Slaughterhouse-Five and Cats Cradle get all the attention (and deservedly), but Galapagos was always one of my personal favorites of his. We will miss you, Kurt.

Time to go back and reread...

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Hare-Raising Adventures

The niece Lucy came to visit for Easter weekend. I take full responsibility for the bunny suit, as well as the repercussions headed my way in about 12 years...

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Mal Content

Tom Robbins (I think) once mentioned in a novel that a person's personality ccould be determined by which Beatle you liked the best (I always preferred John, make of that what you will) but this Internet quiz uses the characters in the brilliant-but-cancelled TV series Firefly (and subsequent movie Serenity) to gauge a person's personal traits. Apparently, I am Mal Reynolds. Damn. I was hoping to be a Reaver.

Your results:
You are Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)
























Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)
65%
Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)
55%
Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)
50%
Derrial Book (Shepherd)
45%
Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)
45%
A Reaver (Cannibal)
35%
River (Stowaway)
30%
Inara Serra (Companion)
25%
Alliance
20%
Wash (Ship Pilot)
20%
Jayne Cobb (Mercenary)
10%
Honest and a defender of the innocent.
You sometimes make mistakes in judgment
but you are generally good and
would protect your crew from harm.


Click here to take the Serenity Personality Quiz